(pic found here)
so, i haven't yet decided if it weirds other single people out or not, but i happen to have a serious passion for marriage, relationships, dating, families, parenting, etc. (really, i could talk and talk and talk about it alllllllllll day.)
i majored in Family Studies in college, you know.
and yeah, i still totally read my textbooks for fun.
so nope, i probably don't care if i'm supposed to be coy and demure and pretend i'm "just not that concerned" about marriage.
you won't catch me rolling my eyes when the topic of marriage/dating comes up. i never get tired of hearing or talking about it.
i mean think about it -- it's a science that explores people and our relationships.
and isn't that the most important part of life, after all?
i, for one, prefer to be knowledgeable about something so important.
i recognize that most 24-yr-old single gals don't go to the family & parenting section in Barnes & Noble and read books about pregnancy and spousal communication for the fun of it. shrug.
i'm rambling. i came to talk about this article i read today.
i think it makes excellent points in 2 areas:
1. the paradox of too many options obstructing decisiveness. i can see what they mean, but at the same time...once you know the choices are out there, could you go back? i can see how people in cultures with limited dating options find succes & happiness in marriage because that has been their expectation all along...small dating pool, and working hard for happiness in marriage...but once you've been raised in a culture with choices, could you go back? even realizing that the number of choices might be bad for you, could you really opt for a more simplistic approach without feeling like you're "settling"? or are we already all tainted?
2. the idea that what you feel about a person being greater than a list of simple character traits. i already blogged about this thing called chemistry.i think you should read the aforementioned article too. then come back here and tell me your thoughts.
ready, go!
4 comments:
Chemistry is definitely one of, if not THE most imprtant factor in the success of a relationship. Done.
Marriage. :)
I agree with the too many choices = paralyzation. In my opinion, the key is finding someone who makes you not care about whatever other choices are in front of you, or ever could potentially be in front of you at some point.
When I met my husband, my first thought was "Is this guy for real?" I had to ask other people who had known him in the past if he really was that genuine, kind, funny, respectful, etc. My second thought (that I can remember) was "Either I'm going to marry this man, or I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. Because now I know that men like him actually exist."
He blew any other option out of the water.
Additionally, a character list is a fun thing to put together because it allows you to envision the man of your dreams in a more concrete way. BUT, when it comes down to it you fall in love with the quirks, the flaws, the little things, the big things, and everything in between. You start noticing everything. How he talks, how his eyes go all crazy when he blinks sometimes, the freckle on his nose, the things that make him, HIM. And they are so much better than anything you could've put down on that list. Funny enough, I found one of my old lists after we'd been married for a year or so. He had every. single. trait I had written down (including loves lake powell, will wear pink, and can keep my toes warm), but I didn't match him up with that silly list prior to tying the knot.
Anyhow, I could talk all day about this. Like you, even pre-marriage, I could talk about, analyze, think about, and read about it all day long. The beauty that comes from a healthy, fiery, simple marriage is fascinating and worth working for.
I find it difficult to adequately express myself in a comment, but I'll try my best because my desire to share my two cents is too great:
1. I'm not as extreme as you, but I certainly enjoy discussing and learning about marriage. Read my share of books and my share of conversations.
2. I agree with Hugo- it all boils down to chemistry in my eyes.
3. I also think that it's really simple. I'm not married, but my friends who are (many of them now) all have the same thing in common- when they found their companion, it was simple and clear. I think most people over-think and over-complicate love.
Cause when I go on dates with girls and see things that make me think she's not right for me, I actually think I'm rationalizing why I'm not ready. Did that make sense?
I think it's more about you than anyone wants to admit. I've dated incredible women that didn't end up being my wife. Most of them are wives to other guys now. I would've been perfectly happy and succesful with many of them. But I wasn't ready.
When you are ready and you want the right things, you'll be more open to that person who makes you laugh and really gets your logic and has fun with you. And I think Heavenly Father is well aware of when you're more receptive, and acts on those opportunities to have those really promising individuals come along.
I don't know if any of this made much sense or was all that insightful.
My dad has said, and I have found this to be true, "You choose who you fall in love with."
Sure, there are lots of choices, but what's important are your goals. Your goals can be acheived with any number of worthy mates, the question is just, as Tyson kinda said, if you're ready to start working towards those goals (and your chosen partner is as well).
When I look at my pre-marriage history I see that a lot of time and heartache could have been saved if Mike and I had just been brought together a few years earlier. But then I also see that, though I felt ready for marriage then, that time and heartache was necessary for both Mike and I before coming into our union.
I also recognize that I could have reached my full happiness with another boy. Together we could have made it. I think it's an important thing for people to realize.
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