hear ye, hear ye!
today i welcome my very first guest blogger
i figure a little outside perspective is a good thing
especially when the topic is dating
and that outside perspective is male
introducing, mr. reed willis
he doesn't have his own blog for me to link to...
[umm this is totally like i'm oprah and he's dr. phil and i'm launching his career]
[please don't grow a creeper moustache, mr. willis]
so let's be encouraging and give him some comment lovin'
I must admit right off that I am not a blogger. This is my first post. Ever. As such, I ask that all negative comments be directed to the E.I.C. of the blog (Katie) for letting an amateur wreck the enjoyment you receive from reading the witty and insightful writings of Katie. And by reading this far in the blog, you've agreed to follow the above procedures for any complaints....I'm a lawyer (confession #2).
I'm an old, single guy that has tried to find his lucky girl (because she'll be lucky to have me!) (confession #3-humility is not a strong point). In my years (yes, years) of dating experience, there is one thing that I always dread....the DTR, the end of the relationship, the talk, or whatever euphemism you want to use to describe the horrible process where a heart is broken and dreams are dashed. It doesn't matter which part I'm playing (the breaker or the breakee), it stinks.
Here are some observations about breaking up, and some suggestions on what to do. I'm curious to see other suggestions people have in the comments section. So please share the stories! The messier they are, the more enjoyable they'll be for everyone else.
1. People never say, "We need to talk" and have it end well.
2. Please don't say the other person is great. It's already assumed that they're great or you wouldn't have wasted time on them! Plus, the breakee will often think the breaker is either crazy (which may be true) or a liar (I'm great, but you don't want to date...false).
3. Trying to spin "the talk" makes the breaker seem shifty and disingenuous. It's not gonna be a soft landing. Ego, pride and a heart are involved...it'll hurt no matter what.
4. Because "the talk" can be hard, people avoid it. Don't.
And now the suggestions:
1. Realize that it is personal, and not business (unless you're Hitch, or a matchmaker).
2. Get over yourself (both the breaker and breakee). I once was trying to end things with a girl by spinning it (see #3 above), and she said, "You're great, but not that great. It's okay." Awesome. Seriously.
3. Be honest, and receive the talk with an honest ear/heart.
4. Remember, "[F]aith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, [and] compassion." See "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". Learning how to communicate honestly and openly is needed in any relationship. Your future spouse (or current one...let's not neglect those married people! Holla!) will thank you for practicing it.
5. Have hope and faith
6. Laugh. You've had good times. Remember those and the lessons you've learned.
7. And remember two great songs by Beyonce: "Irreplaceable" and "Best Thing I've Never Had." Other songs in this category include Darius Rucker "This," and Rascal Flatts "Bless the Broken Road." The list could go on, but the Academy of Break-up Songs nominated these four. These do not reflect any personal preference, but were the first ones that came to my mind.
Good luck breaking up!