Monday, June 11, 2012

craigslist: failed hipster ▲

it's no secret,
i love me some hilarious craigslist posts.
such as this one.

and this one...well...
win.
i bolded my favorite parts.
yes, bolded is now a word.


I tried so hard. I dated a girl from Portland. I criticized cheese. I applied the term artisanal to every inanimate object that went in or on my body. I burned and singed my forearms just to make it look like I was going to culinary school. I grew Carol Brady hair. I got itchy from the finest flannel and I cut off circulation from the waist down with jeans that made my butt look like an elevator button. 

. . .And I rode a fixie. 

No more. It's all gotta go. The hair, the macrame, the texting overages, the Netflix and Hulu Plus. The record collection (have you ever tried to box up and move an effin stack of LPs?!) . . .and the bike. Pictured below is the bike. It's beautiful. It's got red rims. Red chain. Red tires. Red handlebars shaped like devil horns -- because it's the devil. 

The guys at the hipster store don't tell you fixes don't stop. So I will. Fixies don't stop. Stop sign? Fixie don't care. Car coming turning in front of you at a three-way stop? Fixie laugh. Want Chipotle? Nope. Fixie want protein powder/beet/purple carrot/bee pollen juice and won't stop till he gets it. Fixie has a mind of his own.

Yesterday, Fixie got pulled over twice by SLO PD in three hours. In six months time, Fixie collected more tickets than a scalper for a Radiohead show at Hollywood Bowl.

I'm selling this badboy and tipping the dregs of my last PBR tall boy in his memory.

The (Devil) Fixie: 
Cinelli Gazzetta Frame (2011)
Crane Creek and Origin 8 components

$1,100 ($1,600 new)


8 comments:

Myke Olsen said...

I can attest to this -- "have you ever tried to box up and move an effin stack of LPs?!" It sucks.

Emily said...

This made me laugh so hard!! I actually saw it first when Shane Larson shared it from your post on facebook and could not stop laughing. The chipotle line is my favorite.

Tyson J Oliver said...

This is joyous.

Emma Frances said...

I saw this when you posted it on Facebook. And I loved it. And I shared it with my whole family. Haha. We all got a good laugh out of it. How do you find these awesome Craigslist posts?!

katilda said...

I usually just see them when other people post them on twitter or facebook! Every once in awhile I'll find my own gem, mostly because I like to kill time looking at furniture on Craigslist that i totally don't have room for. haha

Stevie Leigh said...

Oh gosh. I'm addicted to these! Great blog!

Laura! said...

Hahahaha this made me laugh my wheezy laugh... that's how fantastic it is haha

Bre Rutledge said...

Haha this is hilarious I'm in love with this. You're so sweet fangirling my blog!! So glad you found me :)