Sunday, September 29, 2013

On God's Unconditional Love: "I've been looking for you."

Few stories can move me the way this one can.

You might particularly appreciate it if you've been feeling or have ever felt like maybe you don't deserve God's love, or feel lost or stranded in life. And now I quote from here, in the words of Jeffrey R. Holland:
I share with you an account by my friend and BYU colleague, the late Clyn D. Barrus. I do so with the permission of his wife, Marilyn, and their family. 
Referring to his childhood on a large Idaho farm, Brother Barrus spoke of his nightly assignment to round up the cows at milking time. Because the cows pastured in a field bordered by the occasionally treacherous Teton River, the strict rule in the Barrus household was that during the spring flood season the children were never to go after any cows who ventured across the river. They were always to return home and seek mature help. 
One Saturday just after his seventh birthday, Brother Barrus’s parents promised the family a night at the movies if the chores were done on time. But when young Clyn arrived at the pasture, the cows he sought had crossed the river, even though it was running at high flood stage. Knowing his rare night at the movies was in jeopardy, he decided to go after the cows himself, even though he had been warned many times never to do so. 
As the seven-year-old urged his old horse, Banner, down into the cold, swift stream, the horse’s head barely cleared the water. An adult sitting on the horse would have been safe, but at Brother Barrus’s tender age, the current completely covered him except when the horse lunged forward several times, bringing Clyn’s head above water just enough to gasp for air. Here I turn to Brother Barrus’s own words: 
“When Banner finally climbed the other bank, I realized that my life had been in grave danger and that I had done a terrible thing—I had knowingly disobeyed my father. I felt that I could redeem myself only by bringing the cows home safely. Maybe then my father would forgive me. But it was already dusk, and I didn’t know for sure where I was. Despair overwhelmed me. I was wet and cold, lost and afraid.
“I climbed down from old Banner, fell to the ground by his feet, and began to cry. Between thick sobs, I tried to offer a prayer, repeating over and over to my Father in Heaven, ‘I’m sorry. Forgive me! I’m sorry. Forgive me!’ 
“I prayed for a long time. When I finally looked up, I saw through my tears a figure dressed in white walking toward me. In the dark, I felt certain it must be an angel sent in answer to my prayers. I did not move or make a sound as the figure approached, so overwhelmed was I by what I saw. Would the Lord really send an angel to me, who had been so disobedient? 
“Then a familiar voice said, ‘Son, I’ve been looking for you.’ In the darkness I recognized the voice of my father and ran to his outstretched arms. He held me tightly, then said gently, ‘I was worried. I’m glad I found you.’ 
“I tried to tell him how sorry I was, but only disjointed words came out of my trembling lips—‘Thank you … darkness … afraid … river … alone.’ Later that night I learned that when I had not returned from the pasture, my father had come looking for me. When neither I nor the cows were to be found, he knew I had crossed the river and was in danger. Because it was dark and time was of the essence, he removed his clothes down to his long white thermal underwear, tied his shoes around his neck, and swam a treacherous river to rescue a wayward son.” 
My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.” On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal.
...I find so much deep truth in that story.

Sometimes I get in a rut of feeling like a disobedient little kid who's screwed up a little, or sometimes a lot, and doesn't deserve much heavenly help or attention. Sometimes I feel like I had good intentions like the little boy who just wanted a movie night, and yet still managed to screw up the task at hand and found myself stranded in a sticky spot. Sometimes I feel ashamed for getting myself there, and wish I had my own way to fix it but feel powerless to do so.

This story came to mind today and reminded me that, in my moments of trial and distress, when I'm in over my head, stranded on the other side of a flooded river and feeling lost or afraid...even if it's my own fault for being there...God still comes for me. In those moments, when He sees me wandering and worries about where I am and if I'll make it back, it doesn't matter to Him how or why I'm there, all that matters to Him is that one of His children is lost and afraid...and so He comes. He comes and gets me and reminds me that He's been looking for me all along.

"I was worried. I'm glad I found you."


Kailee said...

Thanks for sharing made me cry...and I REALLY needed it today.

Elise Frederickson said...

I really love this. What a perfect illustration. I love the concept that when you go astray God goes looking for you. Which leads me to wonder how many search parties God has been trying to include me in that I've ignored. (Maybe I just came from stake auxiliary training.) What a beautiful lesson.

Megan Allen said...

I love that He is always there. ALWAYS. When I'm sad or lonely or wandering, it's the one thing I can count on. Thanks for posting this, I needed it tonight :)

Savannah said...

i love you, i love this, i love elder holland, and i love that skirt. the end.

Alicia Hanley said...

this is perfect. now i'm pumped for conference this weekend. and you are awesome.

Maggie B. said...

I will be too busy to catch the conference, but can I access it after the fact?

I love you. I'm so glad I found you.


Brooke said...


Kerry said...

This was so perfect right now. And I know just the friend to send this to! Also: that picture! Bliss.

Kayla FrecklesinApril said...

This is so sweet. This is why I love your blog- always good, uplifting stuff to be found!

Also, the fact that you quote A Goofy Movie in your comment form is further evidence that we were destined to be friends.