tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90502624663087514362024-03-13T03:21:07.310-07:00katilda.comkatildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.comBlogger1001125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-66682286557123137042018-03-17T21:19:00.001-07:002018-03-17T21:25:00.920-07:002 Months in San Francisco<span style="font-size: large;">I looked around my apartment tonight and reminisced about when I dragged the first boxes into my new space.</span><br />
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I'll share photos of my apartment decor sometime soon. May or may not have *<i>just</i>* hauled the last of the moving boxes down to the recycling bin...um...today....<br />
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Two months in and SF is still taking my breath away on the daily. The charming buildings, the street art, the abruptly alternating fog and sun, that vibe on early weekend mornings when the city is quiet and the streets are kinda empty, the cable cars climbing up and down the insane hills, the calf muscles I hope I'm developing from walking up said hills, the tourists seeing it all for the first time that make me feel all blushy inside that my home is worth tourist-ing and that to these people I am a "city person" who "actually lives here." (I gave someone directions the other day on a street corner!) I used to drive through San Francisco and stare up at the apartment windows and feel very very curious about the seemingly glamorous and sitcom-worthy daily lives of people who lived in the middle of it, and now I'm somehow one of them.<br />
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And, you know, there's the random people yelling at all hours of the night and day, and the sirens wailing up and down my street because I live near a hospital (I actually don't mind the ambient noise -- I have a harder time sleeping in absolute silence). Also, learning the hard way that getting packages delivered to a city apartment is a jooooke (anyone seen the <i>Broad City</i> episode where she has to journey to recover a package and meets Garol?) So, I get packages delivered to my office now.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Unexpectedly, being amongst so many people at all times also has a strangely distinct perma-loneliness to it.</span><br />
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The people watching is fabulous, but I'll catch myself envying the groups of friends and lovers out in my same coffee shops and parks and corner markets. It's a unique kind of "we're here together but not together" feeling I never experienced when I always moved around tucked inside a car. I know I have friends and people I make plans with too, and yet that feeling is there and I'm curious if other city people know what I'm talking about.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I crush hard on this city.</span><br />
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Out of all the cities around the world that I've visited, it's still my favorite. I love the light pinks and sandy beiges of the buildings sprawled out over the hills like ornate legos. The colors and proximity to the ocean make me feel like the whole thing used to be under water and just rose up one day all ocean-bleached like a coral reef, and the people simply filtered into its little corally spaces.<br />
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I'm still slowly learning my way around city life after a lifetime of suburbs, but it's an admittedly picturesque place to do some learnin'.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dear SF: Let's not break up soon. xoxo</span><br />
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<br />katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-58561457092668801602018-02-17T21:39:00.000-08:002018-02-17T21:39:37.962-08:00Arrivals Curb<span style="font-size: large;">Sometime last year, San Francisco got under my skin.</span><div>
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Every time I'd visit the city, I'd regret leaving it more and more when it was time to head south to Palo Alto. <i>*cue Moana song: it caaaaallls me*</i></div>
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But moving to the city meant finding a new apartment and that required $$$. And for me, that required a new job. Ideally, one in SF so I wouldn't have to commute.</div>
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And let me be very clear: trying to find a new job while you already have a full-time job and are also going to grad school full-time is f***ing insanity. It's hard, and tedious, and it hurts, and you have to slap a cheery smile on the whole time you're going through it because no one's supposed to know you're seeing other companies on the side. And every no is not just a no to a job you maybe really wanted, it's also a no to the new apartment and the other hopes and dreams tied up in landing a new gig. But eventually, thankfully, I pulled it off! So here I am.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And it feels damn good to have arrived at a "here."</span></div>
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5 years ago, I made a bunch of other big changes and arrived in California. And the shine of that new life lasted a good long while, and brought with it investments in other new things, like pursuing a different career field and enrolling in my MBA program.</div>
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And then, for a good long while, life got busy and very.much.in.motion. To stick with the metaphor from the title of this post, I was very much in the Departures Curb phase of life: a whirlwind of planning and preparing and hustling followed by long amounts of sitting in transit waiting to land somewhere.</div>
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And just like an international flight when you're sitting in coach and your body is folded up all small and the air is stale and perhaps your seat neighbor is irritating you a bit or perhaps a lot, this arena of life can feel......REALLY LONG.</div>
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Honestly, the last ~2 years of my life have felt.......REALLY LONG. I knew the finish lines were out there, and I knew I was investing in good things to come, but it often felt like there wasn't much immediate gratification for all the hard work. Lots of "means to an end" but mostly just the "means," ya know? Rewards and desired end goals at my job felt perpetually elusive and out of reach, and every new quarter of grad school rolled around with more and more quarters queued up behind it.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But then....</span></div>
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Things started happening all at once in a jumble around the 2017 to 2018 transition, when suddenly: job offer! new apartment! in the city! what is happening! And if the calendar says 2018, that means all my hustle at school is about pay off with a diploma before said calendar hits 2019.</div>
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Objectively, it's exciting. In practice, it's somewhat dizzying, like someone just spun me around really fast whilst blindfolded then tipped me into a stumbling walk forward. It's not bad, it's just all new and a bit disorienting.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Something tells me I'm still holding my breath.</span></div>
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And one of these days, whether soon or in a few weeks or months, I'm certain I'm going to have one of those startling wake-up moments where it all clicks into reality and I think, "Oh wow, this is real and it is my life and I deserve it and it isn't going away anytime soon." For now, I'm still waking up in my apartment (MY apartment! in the city!) a little bit lost in space -- floating pleasantly, but still adjusting to a new, altered state of gravity.</div>
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I guess it's like jet lag: when you're drowsily happy with the anticipation of being home, full of calm relief mixed with budding nostalgia for everything you just experienced, and tugging your luggage behind you through the revolving door that ultimately spits you out at the Arrivals Curb.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Come pick me up; I've landed." Ben Folds</span></div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-15676051131402326512018-02-09T22:33:00.000-08:002018-02-17T21:27:51.033-08:00One Year Later<i>*taps mic awkwardly*</i><br />
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I had absolutely zero intentions of taking a full year hiatus from blogging, but here I am.<br />
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Let's catch up a bit....<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Where do I live? </span><br />
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Finally bit the bullet a month ago and moved into the heart of San Francisco after 5 years living an hour south of here in the Palo Alto suburbs. I'm a city person now?? I live on a hill, in a vintage brick building, in my very own studio, with a clawfoot tub, and I have to learn important city things like "how to rescue your packages from the post office when the delivery person can't access your apartment lobby while you're at work," and "how to gracefully vanish into the night when you fall over in front of a bunch of people on the city bus." Whenever anyone is ready to launch a sitcom about my life, let me know. Unless it means I have to form comical / friendly / romantic / etc. relationships with my neighbors -- I don't, how do you say, "neighbor."<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Where do I work?</span><br />
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I left the small company I was at in Palo Alto and am now working at Twitter (!!), where I manage a program focused on technical learning and development for engineers. Considering how much I love helping people love their work, it suits me. I'm only 3 weeks in, so not much to report yet except there's free kombucha so I guess I drink living things that are good for my gut at lunch every day now. Stay tuned on all counts.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Did I finish grad school yet?</span><br />
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NO GO AWAY. I mean, soon! Faux graduation coming this June (<i>*insert theatrical teaser trailer*</i>), followed by a summer off from school, then wrapping up a couple credits in the fall, then ALL DONE. Soon.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Do I still own a pet fish?</span><br />
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Did you even know I owned one to begin with? Well, I did and I do. His name is Ron Swimson and he's a full year old. Taking care of him consumed so much of my emotional and physical energy that I quit blogging for an entire year. Ha. <i>*side eyes Ron across the room* *Ron swims away and asks me for the hundredth time to please stop blaming him for my baggage*</i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Did I travel anywhere new?</span><br />
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I did! Without planning to, I even managed to have a theme to it: The Outskirts of the United States. See: Puerto Rico, Alaska, and Hawaii. It was real good times, with real good pictures, which you'd know if you <a href="https://www.instagram.com/katildagrams/" target="_blank">follow me on Instagram</a>. If you follow me there, there were no year-long or anything-long gaps in posting. The ease of such micro-blogging might be the true reason this space suffered neglect. <i>*mouths "I'm sorry" to Ron across the room*</i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Have any new tattoos?</span><br />
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You bet your bitcoins I do. I'll tell you about it sometime.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Uh....anything else you feel like sharing?</span><br />
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<i>*abruptly sits up from prone position on therapy couch*</i> Yes, actually. I assembled an entire couch by myself a couple weeks ago. It's lovely, and I'll share pics when I have the rest of the apartment decorated and can share all the photos at once. Yeah you read that foreshadowing right -- this is me vaguely committing to not waiting until 2019 to post again.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">k I mean like....anything meaningful or philosophical.</span><br />
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Oh, that. I'm sure I do. So stay tuned, and....happy 31st birthday to me. It's nice to be back.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Don't they go by in a blink." -Meet Joe Black</span><br />
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-67573436624784327382017-02-12T20:22:00.000-08:002017-02-12T22:34:00.249-08:00Three Decades Down<span style="font-size: large;">I turned 30 this weekend!</span><br>
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Man, that number doesn't feel real. I always forget my new age for awhile, a lot like I forget how to write the correct year for the entire month of January (you feel me right).<br>
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Here's how I celebrated: spent a lazy morning lounging in bed, skipped my 8:30am Saturday class (I deserve one skip, right?), scored a free birthday cupcake at Sprinkles, treated myself to a massage at my favorite little place around the corner, watched a movie in bed, took a delicious nap, spent the evening out with some favorite friends where I ate and drank and talked and laughed until my face hurt......in short, perfection.<br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Entering the 4th decade of my life first turns my thoughts back toward the last 10 years.</span><br>
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Looking back on my 20s, it's best defined as a decade of "figuring out." My teenage years may have brought an awkward phase in the physically-growing-into-myself department, but my 20s brought a similar deal on the emotional side. 10 years ago, I was a staunchly religious child (yes, child). My view of the world, and of myself, was small. I had a lot of answers, and even more blind spots. I listened to a lot of people and authority figures, and didn't listen to myself nearly enough. I apologized a lot. I was also a bright-eyed little idealist. I was on the cusp of discovering my first career moves, in which my heart would lead me straight to nonprofits and my bank account would wonder how the hell that was ever going to last.<br>
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In the ensuing years, I'd meander between jobs and industries. I'd write, professionally. That was the realization of a childhood dream. I'd realize, slowly, that the things you love are not always what will fulfill you professionally. I had many roommates. I thought, knowing the path I'd been told was mine, that I'd get married and have a few kids....any day now. I'd feel guilty, often, when it didn't quite add up and I wrestled with a quiet voice that just didn't want that, not then.<br>
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Eventually, the emotional unrest would lead to physical unrest and I'd pick up and move to California. Four years. It's been almost four years since I crossed that state line, and I haven't looked back.<br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I came to California, and I found myself.</span><br>
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I found people who thought like me, loved like me, put no restrictions on me and allowed me to think and see freely. I found, in myself, a solid moral compass with a needle pulled only by my own inner voice. I realized, slowly, that being driven by fear is no way to live, and inflicting fear in other people is no way to love. I learned, slowly, that I had a goodness in me I never had to earn and never could lose. I learned, ultimately, that there are things I stood to learn that I didn't know that I didn't know. That's what happens, when your brain is not your own for a long, long time. I embraced therapy, and healed my mind. I embraced myself, and started healing spiritual wounds. I'm embracing, currently, the courage to put words to that truth when I know there's people in my life who won't understand it. I wouldn't have understood it either, until I finally saw it. And then the lies were terrifying, and naming them was painful, but ultimately brought the sweetest relief and freedom I could ever ask for.<br>
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I applied to and started graduate school. I'm almost halfway done with that MBA. I bought a car, and I learned to drive stick. I found my voice as a proud feminist. I found my footing in the professional sphere. I learned to hustle. I learned to ask for what I want. I survived (and am surviving) the tricky balance of full-time work, full-time school and full-time life. I got on planes and explored the country. I got myself a passport and explored other countries, several times.<br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am 30, and I am proud of myself.</span><br>
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Though I have my moments like any human, I no longer make a habit of nitpicking, questioning, apologizing, submitting, veiling or diluting myself. I feel a force and a permission inside of me that no church pew or patriarchy ever gave me. I feel a well of replenishing, life-giving water that springs up inside me and runs over the edges. I feel the hands and hearts and support of the many wonderful, beautiful people in my life, thrumming like a vibrant vein of oxygen to my chest. I recognize clearly how capable I am of standing on my own feet and using my own brain, <i>but also</i>, how much I do need and want my support system.<br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I feel holy, and I feel whole.</span><br>
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And so, to the years where I learned myself, to the years where I drained myself, to the years where I lived and laughed and loved and rejoiced and wept and embraced and left and all of the above many times over.....thanks for the decade of figuring out so much about myself and about my life.<br>
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Now here's to a decade of being me, and living my life, on my own terms. Here's to a decade of being a woman who knows herself and knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to ask for it, and is so, so done apologizing for it. The next 10 years look promising and mysterious and bursting with both endings and beginnings, but also calming and settling and deliberate and cozy all at once.<br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And, truly, all that unfettered, uncaged living looks nothing short of electrifying.</span><br>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-40137483859181156792016-12-31T18:58:00.000-08:002016-12-31T19:02:02.750-08:00I can see clearly now, the year is gone.<span style="font-size: large;">At the beginning of 2016, <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/02/a-bid-for-connection.html" target="_blank">I wanted to connect</a>.</span><br />
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I said, "I've spent a long time priding myself on being good at forgiving easily, letting go of stuff and moving through life unscathed. But I'm starting to feel like maybe what I'd been doing this whole time would be better described as detachment."<br />
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I wanted to learn to be angry. I wanted to dive into school. I wanted to travel. I wanted to listen to more music, the way I used to, like it was part of my daily nutrition. I wanted to plug back into my life, both the good and the hard parts, and really suss them out.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's December 31, and I've made strides.</span><br />
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I quit a job that did a number on me. I started a new one that respects me and feeds my soul. I started grad school and I'm hustling and surviving it and stretching and growing. Since June, I've worked out more consistently than maybe ever before in my life. I traveled: to <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/01/my-new-years-trip-to-panama.html" target="_blank">Panama</a>, <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/03/one-work-week-in-new-york-city.html" target="_blank">New York</a>, <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/04/japanigans-shenanigans.html" target="_blank">Japan</a>, and <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/08/livin-la-vida-espana-i-went-to-spain.html" target="_blank">Spain</a>. I wrote some stuff I really like, e.g. <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/07/you-dont-know-your-story-yet.html" target="_blank">this one</a>. And 2016 was also hard, with endings and whispers of endings I didn't want to deal with or face.<br />
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The year also woke me up to the painful awareness of the white privilege that kept me, for the first nearly 30 years of my life, from seeing that America still has such monstrous vile in it, when I suspect those marginalized by that hatred have always been unable to unsee it.<br />
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I learned (and am learning) to get really, truly mad when it counts. I joked on Twitter earlier that I found 2016 very therapeutic.....because it drove me to therapy. Ha. It's true: I finally committed to regularly seeing a therapist. And about a month ago, I told her I was ready to pause for now because I'm feeling really, truly good and she agreed with me. Does this count as a graduation? I'll get myself a cake.<br />
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At our first meeting, way back at the beginning of the year when the year was fresh and I still believed America might not shoot itself in the foot come November, this therapist asked me to tell her about myself. I talked for a little while, and then she looked at me and said, "It must be exhausting to be responsible for other people's feelings all the time." This woman saw me.<br />
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On the anger front, she told me I was like a water balloon. When you squeeze one part of it down, the water doesn't go away -- it just strains and stretches another part of the balloon. Anger is like that. You can pretend you're getting along fine (about, say, a religion that lied to you, about almost everything, for your entire life, while also hurting people in droves, then crucified you for finding out while also vilifying you for daring to ever call out its ugliness for what it is), when really all that anger is just residing somewhere you can't quite identify and making you sick.<br />
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In the safe space of her office, with someone removed from the situation but who also took time to learn it, I could be angry. I could be so, truly angry and betrayed. I could release my grip on that overladen water balloon and, instead, work on slowly untying the knot holding it together so I could finally let some of the pressure leak out.<br />
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And a bit at a time, I've learned to feel better. I've learned to take back my own goodness, mine, me, not anything I've earned from anyone. I've learned to admit that I don't need to grovel at the feet of any organization that takes that innate goodness away from me and tries to sell it back to me at the price of my own conscience and intuition.<br />
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I've learned that, as a woman, I can unveil my face in the sight of any deity, lift my bowed head and make it look me directly in the eyes, while daring it to ever try to take my power, my happiness, my grace, my life, my worth, ever again from where it all belongs: in my own capable hands.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, 2017.</span><br />
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I'm sitting in my room newly minimalized by the purging of belongings and clutter I long needed to let go of, sitting in an emotional space where I am in control of my own destiny and life and able to feel at peace with who I am and what I want, and sitting with a mental view that sees a year of more hard, hard work ahead both via the day job and night school, and sitting with determination to stop pouring myself into any person or thing that makes me feel empty.<br />
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It doesn't always feel pleasant or comfortable to plug back in and reconnect to the parts of life that feel easier to clamp down on and avoid, but let me tell you, it sure as hell feels clean.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And so, finally, sitting with a mind and body unveiled, I'm starting to see clearly.</span><br />
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-31897524968365981802016-12-19T12:09:00.002-08:002016-12-27T12:11:13.648-08:007 Current Favorites From My Closet<span style="font-size: large;">"Everybody gotta wear clothes; if you don't, you get arrested." -Mr. T</span><br />
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Though technically, that depends on the location and scenario. And now that I've begun this post with an inspirational quote, let's get to it!</div>
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I feel like I've really found my fashion stride in my late 20s. The inklings were there in my younger years -- to put together something unique, something comment-worthy, something slightly off-beat. What I lacked, in my awkward-gumby-growing-pain years, was the finesse to pull off those inclinations with ensembles that a) flattered my body and b) consisted of pieces that actually worked together.</div>
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For funsies, and because I have some new treasures that I've been enjoying pairing with old favorites, here's a look at a few things I pulled together from my closet.....</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">7 Current Favorites From My Closet</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>one</i></span></div>
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This look gives me all the heart-eye-emoji-feels. Flattering cut-outs, red plaid, grey boots. I'd wear it out with friends or on a casual date. Could also swing it for work if I added a tank under the belly-holes. Belly-holes is a weird word. Let's move on.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.tobi.com/dresses/shift-wrap-dresses/shift-dresses#color_id=92410" target="_blank">leslie knotted shift dress</a>: Tobi / red plaid shirt: H&M / grey boots: <a href="http://www.wholesalefashionshoes.com/" target="_blank">wholesale fashion shoes</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>two</i></span></div>
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The following is along the lines of what you'll see me in on any given work / school day. Boots, leggings, loose t-shirt and my fav leather jacket. I'll mix it up with a scarf or hat here and there, but an outfit like this is my home base / comfort zone / default mode.</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KIWIjG0SW24/WFgxrsCbB2I/AAAAAAAAQrs/4pql8m4Cvm0Q85J3T3blwZ8_QUSrC7JRQCLcB/s1600/241ACCC1-490E-4A2A-853E-A11FD9EDF627.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KIWIjG0SW24/WFgxrsCbB2I/AAAAAAAAQrs/4pql8m4Cvm0Q85J3T3blwZ8_QUSrC7JRQCLcB/s640/241ACCC1-490E-4A2A-853E-A11FD9EDF627.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">tan boots, striped tee & leggings: Target / leather jacket: a little shop in Florence, Italy</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>three</i></span></div>
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This dress!! Little black dresses are hard for me to find, especially since I don't generally wear tight clothes and most clubby outfits are like "let's be spandex" and I'm like "let's be nope." I love the loose shape of this shift dress and I'm excited to wear it to fancy things and also dress it down w/ leggings and boots for more casual outings.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.tobi.com/dresses/bodycon-dresses#color_id=91763" target="_blank">braylee plunging cut out dress</a>: Tobi / tan heels: Payless</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>four</i></span></div>
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Rompers came in at some point in the last few years and I've been a slow adopter. This grey one (seeing that grey + jersey makes this outfit basically the exact same as the sheets I sleep on) just might make me a convert. Already looking forward to wearing it w/ some cozy layers this winter and then rocking it with some sandals this spring and summer.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">hat + black boots: Target / jean jacket: Gap / <a href="http://www.tobi.com/bottoms/jumpsuits#color_id=88692" target="_blank">chillax draped tank jumpsuit</a>: Tobi</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>five</i></span></div>
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When I saw this treasure at the store, it was like finding a soulmate. Corduroy (my one true fabric love), reminiscent of overalls but sassy....sold. In fact, my size wasn't in stock so I promptly ordered it on my phone right there in the middle of Target. Zero regrets. What I do regret is not ironing this before the photos but.......I never iron anything so at least I'm consistent.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">red corduroy jumpsuit + grey tights: Target / brown-grey boots: Cindy Shoes / black tee: H&M </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>six</i></span></div>
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This is the kind of outfit I'd pull together on a day when I'm feeling a little funky and in the mood to be noticed. As an introvert, I'm not always in that mood. But when I am, there are mint pants and leopard print.</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V50eyaT0o4Q/WFgx7T0fOpI/AAAAAAAAQsc/rmwQywElDCQA6fIAh6umjDHkdzafDNRnQCLcB/s1600/D55E4C2B-347B-4700-A60F-C76AAB2347CB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V50eyaT0o4Q/WFgx7T0fOpI/AAAAAAAAQsc/rmwQywElDCQA6fIAh6umjDHkdzafDNRnQCLcB/s640/D55E4C2B-347B-4700-A60F-C76AAB2347CB.jpg" width="428" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">grey hat: Target / jean jacket: Gap / leopard-print tee: <a href="http://cottonon.com/AU/" target="_blank">Cotton On</a> / mint moto leggings: <a href="https://www.unhingedboutique.com/" target="_blank">Unhinged Boutique</a> / black boots: <a href="http://www.wholesalefashionshoes.com/" target="_blank">wholesale fashion shoes</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>seven</i></span></div>
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Speaking of being in the mood to be noticed....this sequined crop top is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Paired with some high-waisted jeans.....done deal. My day-to-day life doesn't generate many opportunities to wear something this bold, but I am turning 30 in a couple months so.....*tucks away in closet with high anticipation*</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.tobi.com/tops/crop-tops#color_id=87924" target="_blank">glitz & glamour sequin crop top</a>: Tobi / high-waisted jeans + purple suede purse: Urban Outfitters / black zipper heels: (I genuinely can't remember but it was several years ago)</span></div>
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The end! And now back to my regularly scheduled programming of living by the space heater in my cozy bedroom because it was 31 degrees when I went to the gym this morning. I know that's small potatoes for some of you people, but I live in California and I'm weak-sauce.</div>
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hope you're having a really lovely holiday season my friends xoxoxo</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">p.s. any items in this post from <a href="http://www.tobi.com/" target="_blank">Tobi</a> were provided to me free-of-charge, but you know my feelings are genuine because I picked the pieces out myself and also because I'm an honest human</span></div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-60057820547317349852016-12-15T15:37:00.000-08:002016-12-15T15:37:01.138-08:00Some Neighborhoods of My LifeMany years ago, in vintage blog days, I used to start my posts by saying what music I was listening to while I wrote. So let's throw it back: I'm currently tuned in to "Moving Mountains" by Skylar Grey.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I spent a couple days this week showing my sister around San Francisco.</span><br />
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It was her first time in the Bay Area, so I showed her all my favs, including but not limited to Alcatraz and a long ride on the outside of a cable car up and down some iconic SF hills. (It's charming and precarious all at once and I love it.)<br />
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One of my favorite things about SF is how distinct every neighborhood is, and how closely they're all smushed together. One minute you're experiencing that bustling city-feel of Market St by Union Square, then you're immersed in another world in China Town, the next moment you're enveloped in the wafting scent of pizza-on-pizza-on-pizza in North Beach, and somewhere in there you're being misted by saltwater on the pier by a colony of sea lions.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm in a phase of my life lately that feels a lot like San Francisco: many neighborhoods and coves, all tucked together in one beautiful, vibrant smush.</span><br />
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Here's some words about a few of my own neighborhoods these days....<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>my body</i></span><br />
<br />
Currently in the fitness regime: Crossfit. I never thought this would be the place for me, despite knowing people who told me otherwise for years. It deserves its own post, so I'll leave it at this: I'm happy and I feel good, and my body is strong and fierce and my own.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>my space</i></span><br />
<br />
I value organization. I've always valued it in my calendar and work life, but I've never quite made that leap to minimizing my possessions (clutterbugs anonymous, please unite) and putting things in their place. Recently, I stayed up late one night and made piles of things to purge. My space is now simple and warm and full of only the things I love the very most. I feel a weight lift off me when I curl up by a favorite candle (<a href="https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/capri-blue-jar-candle2?color=042&quantity=1&size=ALL&type=REGULAR" target="_blank">this one</a>, in aloha orchid), turn on some white twinkle lights and bask in that joyous feeling of being alone and cozy and simple and safe. Do you have a space like this? You need one.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>my brain</i></span><br />
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School is wrapped up for the Fall Quarter (*moment of silence for going to school full-time while also working full-time*), and it feels both damn good and challenging to work so hard and steadily chip away at my MBA. In January I'm starting my first programming class as an elective. I'm excited and nervous, but so far school has made me feel both of those things several times plus some confidence and grit on top of that every time I get through the anxious parts. Here's to more!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>my heart</i></span><br />
<br />
A lesson I've learned a lot of is that matters of the heart require a delicate balance of logic and emotion. Truly, you need both. And it's a balance in a way that's not always 50-50 at any given time -- it's more a balance of learning when to let one side tell the other one to shush and let go of the reins, either to protect yourself or run an illogical risk that somehow feels worth it. It's some kind of chaotically lovely and unnerving mixture -- a lot like a ride up and down SF streets while clinging to the outside of a cable car, actually.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>my soul</i></span><br />
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I'm in a good space right now where my job and school life genuinely do feed my soul, although challenging at times, but it feels good to add other joys into the mix while those two areas ease up for a hot holiday second: lazy mornings in bed, Sunday morning movie matinees, rainy drives, good books/music/shows/people....all the best cherries on top of an already lovely life.<br />
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And with that said: It's raining outside, my favorite candle is lit, my Christmas tree is twinkling, my music is still lilting through my living room and I feel a little more like letting some mountains move me:<br />
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For once, once in your life</div>
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For once push your ambitions aside</div>
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And instead of moving mountains</div>
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Let the mountains move you</div>
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For once, once in your life</div>
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For once just stop to open your eyes</div>
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And instead of moving mountains</div>
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Let the mountains move you</div>
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~skylar grey</div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-79317283196837018182016-09-30T19:59:00.000-07:002016-09-30T20:01:50.538-07:00septemberand it awakes<br />
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crisp breaks of fire and frost<br />
a synchronous pull<br />
of burn and cool<br />
<br />
a lullaby waxing<br />
to the waning thrum of sweltry summer<br />
<br />
that singe of ruby and spice<br />
that birth of flame and ash<br />
a charcoal slate<br />
and fresh pages<br />
with smoky edges<br />
that crinkle under hand and foot<br />
<br />
september<br />
<br />
a perennial ember<br />
that carves and takes<br />
and clears a space<br />
creates a hollow<br />
sparks and scrapes<br />
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then soothes with icy hush<br />
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and tips you forward<br />
empty and full and raw and ready<br />
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<br />katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-48061224224332094722016-09-27T20:27:00.000-07:002016-09-27T20:27:05.347-07:00bare-faced & angrytoday i was angry<br />
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today i didn't wear makeup, because i was angry<br />
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earlier this week, i watched that old <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U" target="_blank">Dove Evolution</a> video, where they show the physical and digital makeover performed on a female model before she's deemed worthy to be on a billboard<br />
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last night at the presidential debates, ms. clinton called out mr. trump for his past derogatory comments about [insert many things, but also] a woman's physical appearance<br />
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[insert any time/day], i grow weary of my MBA textbooks featuring stories rife with male characters and bereft of female presence<br />
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this morning, i parked my car next to a group of men<br />
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and i had to pause and think, do i feel like getting out of my car or waiting a minute. just in case they want to stare because i am a female and i am here and they are here<br />
<br />
and all too often, "i am here and you are here" is all it takes for consent.<br />
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consent to my personal space belonging to someone else. the default permission setting is "yes, go ahead, no need to ask or avert."<br />
<br />
it's a compliment. it's a small thing. don't overreact.<br />
<br />
no<br />
<br />
it's an invasion. do react. there's nothing "over" about it.<br />
<br />
though most likely, i'd put my head down and walk faster, or wait it out in my car<br />
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today i was angry<br />
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i looked in the mirror, after my morning workout, and my face was flush and vibrant with energy<br />
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i put the mascara down<br />
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i have nothing against it, inherently. sometimes it is fun. sometimes i like to dress up! some days owning my space means putting my head up, wearing something flashy and layering on the lipstick and glitter eyeliner <i>because i can</i>.<br />
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it first became a daily thing for me when i was 13.<br />
<br />
13!<br />
<br />
no regrets. because it was fun, and it was exciting, and i felt so grown up.<br />
<br />
but<br />
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eventually i wasn't "ready" without it<br />
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eventually i looked too tired. too splotchy. too sweaty. too young. too old. too sparse. too full. too bland.<br />
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as a feminist, i believe in a woman's right to do whatever she wants with her body -- makeup or no makeup. that's the beauty of you being in charge of you, as a woman. that's the beauty of truly owning your own space and allowing other people to own theirs.<br />
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but today, i felt the raw ache of the habit of disguising my skin and coloring my features to feel socially presentable. i felt the sting of my male classmates and coworkers rolling out of bed and meeting a minimum beauty standard by default. i felt the realization that it's not something some of them ever even consider. i felt the weight of expectation as heavy as the days that number it back to [whenever in history woman became a thing to be acted upon, a body to serve as an accessory, an actress that needs permission while never being asked for her own, an entity that isn't allowed to be angry without being shrill/bitchy/hormonal].<br />
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and my avenue to reclaiming my space today might seem trivial or silly or privileged or naive. and tomorrow, i might feel like wearing it again.<br />
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but today, i wanted my bare face to be enough without it. i wanted to be enough without it.<br />
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because today i was angry<br />
<br />
and sometimes, the little protests are what we need and all we have<br />
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so today i was mine. and i was enough without it.<br />
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<br />katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-32388584779322756452016-08-28T15:41:00.000-07:002016-08-28T15:48:30.997-07:00Livin' La Vida Espana (...I went to Spain...)<span style="font-size: large;">Back at it again with the travel bug!</span><br />
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With a less busy period at work and a break from school coinciding on my calendar, I couldn't help but hop on a plane to a new somewhere. The destination of choice this time: Spain!<br />
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I originally planned to hit up Spain last year but ultimately chose Italy instead. Newly inspired this year by the travels of my amiga <a href="http://www.fridaywereinlove.com/" target="_blank">Camille</a>, it bumped back up in my list and, spoiler alert, I was not disappointed.<br />
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Spain is....flavorful! Architecture, the language, landscapes, little beige towns nestled in the middle of nowhere...it screams summer and warmth to me. Probably because it was like 100 degrees outside. Tip: don't travel to Spain in the dead of summer, haha. But seriously. It's a lovely and beautiful country but I suggest aiming for spring or autumn. Though, all the sweating inspired me not to wear any makeup but the occasional lipstick for 9 days and I really didn't hate that, so I'll take it!<br />
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Hit up 4 cities on this trip, so in order of visit....<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">BARCELONA</span></div>
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Barcelona felt like San Francisco! Maybe because the graffiti told me several times that I should become a vegan. Barcelona's shining gem is Gaudi -- whose work is most prominent in La Sagrada Familia (did I photograph it? I tried. It's too big. Google it.) and Park Guell (all those funky tiled pics below). Gaudi is color and detail and quirk. Also hit up a flamenco show!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">SEVILLE</span></div>
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Seville is the spot I would choose to live in. It reminded me of Florence! Slower paced, with small shops and plazas with Spanish guitarists and a general meandering vibe to it. Ate some delicious beef filet here (sorry to the graffiti in Barcelona for my meat consumption), grabbed some boba tea, toured Real Alcazar (a palace where they filmed the Dorne scenes, for any Game of Thrones fans out there), hit up a cathedral or two....good stuff all around. Except when I smashed my phone on the ground, but it worked out because I happened to be in a neighborhood with no less than two iPhone repair shops. Weird, but I'll take it. (p.s. the green floral skirt WITH POCKETS I'm wearing below is made my friend Kayla at <a href="http://www.larkskirts.com/" target="_blank">Lark Skirts</a> -- go check out all her prints!)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">GRANADA</span></div>
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Granada! Even though I said I'd choose to live in Seville, Granada is where I'd escape to on the weekends. It has a blend of Spanish + Arab culture that really worked for me. Highlights: La Alhambra (a castle on a hill) and an Arab bath house. Think candle-lit rooms with tiled walls and multiple pools in various temperatures.....plus a massage with red amber oil....yeah didn't hate this experience at all. It's like a public pool times 10,000 cool points.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">MADRID</span></div>
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If Barcelona is San Francisco, Madrid is NYC! Seriously, other than moments when I had to interact with people primarily in Spanish, you could have fooled me that I'd woken up in the United States while in Madrid. (Though the Spanish architecture definitely levels up over NYC.) At this point in the trip I was a bit out-muggled (see: tired of being around crowds of people, especially in the summer heat) but Madrid made it up to me with some yummy churros and a sunset rooftop view, pictured below.</div>
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...aaaand that's a wrap. El fin. And now Ima get back to enjoying what's left of my break from school, focusing on work ramping back up, and napping off the jetlag.</div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-88123063597123066772016-07-31T19:56:00.000-07:002016-07-31T20:17:15.710-07:007 Travel Tips for Social Media Safety<span style="font-size: large;">Occasionally, while scrolling through my social media feeds, I cringe and think, <i>"Oh no, please, don't do that." </i></span><br />
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Well, we probably all do during election season :) But specifically, my little red flags go off with concerns for people's personal safety with the info they're tossing out online -- especially while traveling. Rather than nervously comment individually on people's posts in an attempt to shield you all from harm one by one, ima just compile it here.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. Don't post in real time.</span></div>
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One of my friends really took the champion cake for this recently by posting her Europe pictures an entire 2 weeks later, so convincingly that I had no idea her posts were delayed. When you're out and about, it's not a good idea to immediately post a pic of you, with an identifiable landmark in the background, with a location tag, with a bunch of hashtags that strangers can find you through.....you get the idea. Save those pics for later or the next day and post them safely from your hotel room or the next city on your route. No one's the wiser, and you're that much more unfindable by any real-time creepers.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. Don't talk about your upcoming plans/schedule.</span></div>
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Bad Idea: "So excited to tour Vatican City tomorrow morning!" *insert arms-crossed NOPE emoji*</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. Don't mention when you're traveling alone.</span></div>
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Look, everyone has that <i>Eat, Pray, Love</i> fantasy of going it alone on an adventurous solo trek. If that's you, great! Just don't tell the world about it until later :)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. Don't talk about where you're staying.</span></div>
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Photos, a hotel name, a picture of the street view from your window, etc. Your hotel/Airbnb is your safe space! Don't make it easy for random people to be able to track you down.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. Don't post info about your home situation.</span></div>
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Sure, it's tempting to post pics of that cute new house you bought with that visible house # and uniquely identifiable paint color in the background. It's tempting, and it's also a terrible idea -- especially when you've also posted while traveling so people know your home base is empty and unguarded. Also, one of the most common ones I see: posting on Twitter/Facebook about how nervous and/or excited you are when your spouse or roommate is out of town and you're home alone in your dark, quiet house (no! don't do this! horror films are made of this!).</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">6. Don't post pics of your boarding pass, train ticket, etc.</span></div>
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If you really want to use it in a photo, arrange the shot so any trackable details (flight #, departure or arrival time, etc.) are hidden. How many times have I covered private info in photos with my thumb or other random objects? It's like an art form. Good job, thumb and other random objects.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">7. Skip all of the above, and make your account private.</span></div>
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If you want to run free with any of the above, you could just lock your accounts down and make sure you legit know and trust every person who you let follow you. Personally, I prefer a public account (at least with Instagram and Twitter) and an appropriate level of precaution.</div>
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And while we're on a roll....</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Bonus Non-Travel Tip: Never post your exercise route.</span></div>
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I love when people are excited about a run they completed. I feel super nervous for these same people when they post a map of the route they ran -- especially when they say it's their usual or favorite route. And when said route probably begins and ends at their home address (see #5). Careful, my friends!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Get out there and see the world, but see it smart :)</span></div>
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And now I am done feeling overprotective of everyone's safety and you may go back to your regularly scheduled programming, whatever that might be. (For me, it's continuing to peruse that new Harry Potter script. Thoughts TBD!)</div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-77174019880175670222016-07-19T14:49:00.000-07:002016-07-19T14:49:25.554-07:00You Don't Know Your Story Yet<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Let me tell you what I wish I’d known</i></div>
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<i>When I was young and dreamed of glory</i></div>
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<i>You have no control</i></div>
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<i>Who lives</i></div>
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<i>Who dies</i></div>
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<i>Who tells your story</i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">If you're unfamiliar, that line comes from the musical <i>Hamilton</i>.</span><br />
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Which, <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/03/one-work-week-in-new-york-city.html" target="_blank">I saw in New York</a> in March. YAY<br />
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At work, I interact with cohorts of recent PhD grads who are transitioning into new roles -- taking their research backgrounds and learning to use it in ways that local tech companies want to hire. Neat.<br />
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Recently, we had a session where we chatted about some of their anxieties around the phase of the program we're now in -- the interview phase! If you've been around my blog for a few years, you know I have...<i>very relevant</i>...experience with the rollercoaster emotions of this realm.<br />
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tl;dr version -- moved to California 3 years ago for a job that immediately fell through, and thus spent the next several months interviewing, getting turned down, working a retail job at Anthropologie, getting cash for odd jobs off Craigslist like taste-testing popcorn, etc etc etc.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The thing is, looking forward, you don't know yet what your story will be.</span><br />
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You often know what you <i>want</i> your story to be. You typically have a plan. And when you can't see how that will pan out, or you can only see setbacks moving you away from that plan, and you worry that it's due to something you're somehow not doing right, it's incredibly unnerving.<br />
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Take my story. A couple months after arriving in California, shortly after I started working for Anthropologie, I interviewed for a job at Google. GOOGLE! This was the dream. This would be the perfect shiny bow on my own "young, scrappy and hungry" story. (another Hamilton reference YAY) My moved-to-California-and-had-a-setback-but-pushed-through-it-and-WOW-GOOGLE story. This was going to be <i>the best</i>.<br />
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And then, it wasn't. Because after several rounds of interviews, they told me no. And I cried in the parking lot of my retail job before cleaning myself up and heading in to earn my $10/hour for my $900/month rent. I was financially worried, but also emotionally crushed. That offer was supposed to be my success story. Right?<br />
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A year later, I did indeed have a job at Google. It was the third position I interviewed for at that company. And one of twice that many I applied to at Google, and one of dozens and dozens <i>and dozens</i> I applied to at countless other local companies. And it felt like a dream. And I knew I deserved to be there. Was it a fluke, if they told me no before? Nope. Because there are a thousand different reasons why a job interview might not pan out. And it may not say a damn thing about your skills or ability to succeed.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's just....your story.</span><br />
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Looking back at myself, rolling into California in July 2013, would I have actively chosen a route with so many detours to get to where I am right now? Probably not. Looking back, would I change any of the details? Probably not. If I changed anything, it'd only be the faltering confidence I had. I'd sit myself down and tell myself I had reservoirs of grit and determination and nerve I didn't know about yet, and also important things to learn that would ultimately shape the jobs and path I later secured.<br />
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What I didn't know then, is that my own job setbacks and interviewing saga would provide me with an empathy and passion that pointed me away from a writing career and toward a people development career. What I didn't know then, is that the very thing that made me cry and took my feet out from under me is what later gave me clearer vision and steadier legs to stand on.<br />
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As I wrote <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2013/07/on-being-brave-enough-to-fall-not-fail.html" target="_blank">at this time 3 years ago</a>: "I'm fine with missed shots and almost-theres and you'll-get-it-next-times. I'm fine with bruised knees and scraped palms and frustration and delayed success. I'm learning how to fall, so I can learn how to skate."<br />
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Looking ahead, I didn't know my story. Looking ahead, I wouldn't have written it the way it was ultimately written. And looking back, I'm really damn glad life took the pen out of my hand and wrote it better.<br />
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-70374490098137992712016-07-17T22:44:00.002-07:002016-07-17T22:54:45.437-07:00My Blue Apron Review<span style="font-size: large;">This is a story, all about how...</span><br />
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...I never cooked and then started trying. For the last couple years of my life, I had jobs that included the perk of free food. Translation: I fell hard out of the habit of cooking, ate out a lot on weekends and/or scrounged for oatmeal in the back of my cupboard. And then I got a new job, had to feed myself again, and found myself living off avocados and ritz crackers.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And then <a href="https://www.blueapron.com/" target="_blank">Blue Apron</a> came on to my radar.</span><br />
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<b><i>What is it?</i></b> A subscription service that delivers a box to your door once a week, including 3 meals for 2 people (you can tailor this if you've got a family to feed). For me, that means 6 meals since I get to eat the leftovers because party of 1, yo. Except sometimes I have a guest so I share.<br />
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<b><i>What comes in the box?</i> </b>Adorable little packages of food/spices/etc in just the right amounts you need. So, no buying things in bulk only to have the extra ingredients go bad. (see: story of my entire adult kitchen life)<br />
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<b><i>Does it go bad on your porch?</i></b> I often leave my house for 13+ hours at a time on weekdays. Luckily, the food comes in a box packed with insulation and ice packs. All is well when I crawl in at 10pm after a day of gym/work/class/whatever. *eyes glaze over*<br />
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<b><i>Did someone pay you to write this post?</i></b> Nope. This is just me genuinely saying stuff because I feel like it. And because as a full-time working adult & grad student, I need things like this real bad in my life to keep me from accidentally living off granola bars.<br />
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<b><i>How much is it?</i></b> $59/week. So for me, $10/meal. Basically what I'd spend eating out, and usually that was on something quick (see: not healthy) I could grab wherever was convenient. So, the price point is not objectionable given my lifestyle. Especially since it causes me to finally eat vegetables. Also, you can see the recipes a week ahead and skip a week at any time if a) the food isn't up your alley, or b) you'll be traveling or whatever and don't need meals that week.<br />
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<i><b>Can I have a</b><b> free hint?</b></i> Why yes you may thank you for asking. Since I've been using the service for about a month now, I've earned some referrals to send a free delivery to a few people who are new to Blue Apron. If you want one of those, holla at my email: katildablog at gmail dot com. I hook you up amigo.<br />
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<b><i>Is the food good?</i></b> Yes. Yum. And decently healthy. And has much variety. And you can specify if you are vegetarian, or don't like fish, etc.<br />
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<b><i>What do I like?</i></b> I'm learning to cook! Any of the recipes I've made, I could make again. And that's neat. I feel impressive! One time I made empanadas! Sometimes I mince things! Basically this involves cutting things real small while chanting "mince mince mince mince mince" to myself to the tune of Rihanna's "work work work work work." I MADE PEACH SALSA YESTERDAY WHO AM I<br />
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<b><i>What would I change?</i></b> They're super into cucumbers. I am super not into cucumbers. I am borderline drowning in cucumbers. Also, they assumed I would own some basic things like olive oil and paper towels. I happen to own olive oil, but it's been 3+ years since I owned paper towels. I found myself needing to dry a pork roast with nada but real towels on hand to do it. Blech. Also, while I love the refrigerated box, I wish there was a list that told me exactly what things in the box need to go in the fridge. Because sometimes I guess wrong w/ the veggies and then they get weird. So. A little more instructions there would be muy helpful! Also, what the hell is the gel in the ice packs. I felt like I was drowning a snowman trying to get that down my sink drain.<br />
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<b><i>Can I see pictures of your favorite meals so far so I can be super impressed by you and the things you've cooked?</i></b> Yes. Yes you may. I've made several but these are the ones I happened to take pics of! Please note they made more food than pictured on the plate. I was just being dainty for photography purposes.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Chicken, Kale Slaw & Sweet Potato Fries</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Brown Butter Gnocchi w/ Squash & Soft-Boiled Egg</span></div>
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p.s. this one was NEXT LEVEL. Will be repeating on my own for sure.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sweet Chili Chicken w/ Coconut Rice</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Baked Empanadas de Picadillo w/ Lime Crema</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Roasted Pork & Summer Salsa</span><br />
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-86518346225206534212016-06-10T19:44:00.000-07:002016-06-10T19:44:05.489-07:00And then it was June<span style="font-size: large;">what.a.month.</span><br />
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Happy Summer, one and all! It's officially upon us. And I've been up to some big things! Let's do this list style....with exclamation points!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">New job!</span><br />
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I am currently two weeks into a new job, and it is loverly. I'm a Program Coordinator at Insight Data Science -- refer to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BGGCcmYIOTT/?taken-by=katildagrams" target="_blank">my Instagram post</a> to read about what that means because #imlazy. I'm enjoying my work, I'm enjoying the people, and I'm enjoying an even shorter commute (translation: I cut down a 15-min commute to a 5-min commute) (not mad). I feel good feelings in my bones about this whole change and I'm excited to see everything that comes of it.<br />
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My headshot for the company website:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Personal Trainer!</span><br />
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While trying to figure out what gym to go to, or if I should get into barre or pilates or martial arts or what-have-you, I came across a personal trainer on Yelp whose studio happened to be across the street from my apartment. Score! She has a legit background (including time as an Olympian for taekwondo, wha??) and I'm loving our sessions so far. My goal is to build more muscle and strength, feel healthier, and also learn howthehell to work out effectively so when our 2 months of sessions end I can go to the gym on my own not feeling like a cottonheaded ninnymuggins. Stay tuned!<br />
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A sugary snack my trainer told me not to eat but I'm all about moderation:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">School!</span><br />
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My first term of grad school......check! What I know after finishing my first classes: People management is fascinating and fun to talk about and definitely my passion, as expected. Accounting makes my eyeballs feel hot cheeto flames. Definitely had a few nights where it got to me that my attendance and efforts weren't giving me the same results that I experienced in my undergrad and all prior schooling....but you know that whole "don't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree" thing? Yes. That. I know I have areas of strength and smarts, and the way that manifests in each class may vary widely. I do my best with the time and brainpower I've got, and that's worth being proud of at the end of the day. And now....on to summer school! Which is...another accounting class! ahahah....ha......rip the bandaid off all at once, right?<br />
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I have no pictures of school that don't involve me celebrating small successes by eating things my trainer told me not to eat. I CAN'T LEAVE A PAPER TRAIL GUYS WHAT IF SHE FINDS THIS YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING OK I'M SORRY FOR SUBTLY MENTIONING HOT CHEETOS EARLIER<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Books!</span><br />
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It takes me awhile to drive to school a couple nights a week, so I've started getting into audio books. My current two picks: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/When-Breath-Becomes-Paul-Kalanithi/dp/081298840X" target="_blank">When Breath Becomes Air</a> (about a neurosurgeon who is diagnosed with cancer -- for when I'm feeling serious) and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Discovery-Witches-All-Souls-Trilogy/dp/0143119680/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1465612513&sr=1-1&keywords=discovery+of+witches" target="_blank">Discovery of Witches</a> (think a grown-up, more sciency/smart version of Twilight set at Oxford in which a witch falls for a vampire -- recommended by my girl <a href="http://www.frecklesinapril.com/" target="_blank">Kayla</a>, for when I'm feeling lighthearted).<br />
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Me, perusing a non-audio book:<br />
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And that is all for now, my friends. Looking forward to the weeks and months to come with all of the above-named and yet-to-be-named adventures and shenanigans. I got some plans up my sleeves.<br />
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<br />katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-51911114237070272052016-05-19T12:49:00.000-07:002016-05-19T12:51:03.595-07:00The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F***<span style="font-size: large;">The title of this post is the title of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Not-Giving-Spending/dp/0316270725" target="_blank">the book</a> I've been reading lately.</span><br />
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Er, listening to lately. I've rediscovered space in my life for audio books and podcasts since I started spending more time in my car (see: commuting to school at night).<br />
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You might recognize the cadence of the book title from its rampantly popular inspiration, <i>The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up</i>. In that book, the author teaches you the art of decluttering your life by honestly and carefully deciding what physical possessions you REALLY need, and parting ways with the things you don't. (Note: something that <i>used to be</i> a beloved yes, might be a no <i>now</i>. Try not to confuse the two.)<br />
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Inspired by the concept, author Sarah Knight wrote her own spin on the idea -- honestly and carefully deciding what things and people you are allocating your emotional/social/etc resources to.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Subtitle: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do</span><br />
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One key is to view your emotional resources as finite, with a limit, like a bank account. When you're saving up for a big purchase, you're more careful about the other random things you throw money at, right? Well....think about what people and activities you really want to give the budget of YOU to. And then learn to remember that giving any of that resource to something you don't <i>really</i> want is not a consequence-less decision -- it actually pulls you away from the things you want most.<br />
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How many parties do you attend that you don't want to go to? How many causes do you donate to that you don't care about? How many people do you maintain relationships with that drain you more than they give back to you?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The idea isn't, in Knight's words, to be an asshole. The idea is to have boundaries.</span><br />
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And coming from someone who sometimes surprises myself with my good boundaries but sometimes just really sucks at it, this book has been good for me. Even if something is pretty good, is it best? Even if someone messages you and you're in a hurry and there's 5 other messages to respond to, do you have to stop what you're doing and get to them all immediately? Even if there's something you could help with, does it have to be you? Every time?<br />
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No. It really doesn't. Even if it feels like it does.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What things really top your list, when you make it a short one? What people?</span><br />
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Allocate your resources to them first. If you have leftovers, be flexible from there. But you don't owe anything to anyone other than that.<br />
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Say no to a <strike>fun casual party</strike> multi-level marketing sales event a friend invites you to when you don't like the product. Say no to Snapchat if everyone is on it but you just plain don't feel like it. Say no to extra volunteer work in your community or church that, yeah, you could be great at -- but so could someone else. Say yes when you want to say yes. Say no when it gives you more time to say yes in other more-important-to-you places. And then shrug off any lingering guilt about that decision and mosey on forward.<br />
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My list-toppers right now? My important people. My work. My education. My alone time. My sleep. A few key social causes I care the most about. And from there, sprinkle in chores and exercise and errands depending on the day and the week as my mental budget allows.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Go forth and declutter, my friends. There is zero need to keep overspending yourselves.</span><br />
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^^^recently said yes to getting soaked during the workday in order to get free flowers from an event in another building. Zero regrets.</div>
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p.s. fair warning to anyone who doesn't like the word "fuck" -- you might want to choose a different book ;) If the title wasn't a giveaway.<br />
<br />katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-83435966058058144752016-04-21T19:19:00.000-07:002016-04-21T20:09:47.042-07:00Thrifting for Earth Day (pssst sale codes)<span style="font-size: large;">Ready for a secret? For the last few years, I've bought most of my clothes on eBay.</span><br />
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I have a system. I get brand names for super cheap. It works and it's amazing (and unfortunately addictive, like a game) (but oh, such a fun game!)<br />
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Recently I've been hearing more about online thrift clothing shops, where you can both shop for used clothes and also bag up your own goods and send them in. I'd been wanting to investigate this route, so when Schoola contacted me I was like <i>yyyaassss</i>. (Just like that, in my head. <i>Yassss</i>.)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.schoola.com/" target="_blank">Schoola</a> is an online thrift sore that sells clothing to benefit schools in the U.S. and <a href="https://www.malala.org/" target="_blank">The Malala Fund</a> internationally.</span><br />
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From our conversation, I became an even bigger advocate of thrift shopping. For one thing, I learned that Americans send <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/07/where-does-discarded-clothing-go/374613/" target="_blank">10.5 million tons of clothing to landfills every year</a>. (Tons! That's the unit they weigh elephants and cars with!)<br />
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In total, 40% of Schoola's proceeds go to benefit children's education. All the same fun for an online thrift junky like myself, plus the opportunity to contribute to a good cause? SOLD.<br />
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They have both adult and child sizes, and right now they're having an Earth Day Sale! So go take a peek around and see if any of the clothes are up your alley (I spotted <a href="https://www.schoola.com/stitch/products/french-toast-blue-bottom-2081610" target="_blank">this</a> and <a href="https://www.schoola.com/stitch/products/banana-republic-blue-oxford-1680314" target="_blank">this</a> and <a href="https://www.schoola.com/stitch/products/jennifer-lopez-cream-outfit-1787849" target="_blank">this</a> and <a href="https://www.schoola.com/stitch/products/anne-klein-pink-dress-1912857" target="_blank">THIS</a>) and check out these sale codes:<br />
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Translation: buy $50 worth of clothes and get it for $25, then don't pay for shipping. MAKE HASTE MY FRIENDS.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here are a few things I picked up recently from their site:</span></div>
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They also sent me this cute jar full of little treats and school supplies!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">How can you donate your own clothes? It's easy AND free!</span><br />
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First, <a href="https://www.schoola.com/stitch/requestbag/" target="_blank">request a donation bag</a>. They send it to you, you fill it with clothes, you send it back free of charge (I love that part!), and bing bang boom, you've done your spring cleaning AND contributed to a good cause! I call that a productive day. You can read here for more details on <a href="https://www.schoola.com/how-it-works" target="_blank">how it works</a>.<br />
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I've got my own bag stuffed full of clothes that are ready to move on to a new home.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Happy Earth Day my friends! Go forth and thrift.</span><br />
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-15499535301726703172016-04-16T13:09:00.002-07:002016-04-16T13:11:06.875-07:00Grad School & Calm Spaces<span style="font-size: large;">I'll start by saying that the best part of my MBA program thus far is qualifying for student discounts at the movie theatre again.</span><br />
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Because this is a magic card:<br />
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jk, I haven't actually taken advantage of that perk yet. But when I do, it will be the best part. And yes, I put lipstick on for that photo because giirrrrrlll I gotta look at it for three years.<br />
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<i>Katie but seriously, how's school....</i><br />
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You know what I love about education? It explains the world around me. I love hearing things in class that make me think, "OMG THAT MAKES SENSE OUT OF THINGS." I wish I could cement all the facts and quotes in my brain and never lose them.<br />
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Take this week, when I read an article about cultural business communication differences. Remember <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/04/japanigans-shenanigans.html" target="_blank">my Japan trip</a>? As I read the article, it validated my struggles from that trip and explained to me what mindsets I have that may have caused some barriers. I was practically licking the pages of the article; it made so much sense to me.<br />
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So, ask me again in a few quarters when I'm potentially more exhausted, but right now I am really loving school. I feel like an eager sponge soaking up everything I'm hearing (or trying, when it comes to my accounting class -- first test on Monday, yipes!)<br />
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<i>But on that exhaustion note....</i><br />
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I don't feel overwhelmed yet. Three weeks in and with class and full-time work I am definitely <u>very</u> busy, but I'm not dying. I've had stressful moments, that's for sure. Something I'm really trying to do (with varying degrees of success) is to be deliberate about carving out space for calm in my life. Reserving afternoons or an hour here and there that isn't devoted to work, or school, or any deadline or obligation.<br />
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Historically, I tend to swing to either extreme: so busy I'm working myself into an anxious frenzy and can't sit still, or so fed up with the previous situation that I just lie in bed all day and don't do ANYTHING. So, I'm working on a new approach. Little breaks. Deliciously satisfying portions of rest spooned out amongst the chaos. Small spaces.<br />
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Today, it meant stopping at Chick-fil-a for lunch after my 8am Saturday class, driving home on a slower road with the window down (hellooooo warm California season! please do stay awhile!), blasting Journey and looking forward to an hour or two of blogging, watching an episode of the new Kimmy Schmidt season (#theyalivedammit), and opening all the windows in my apartment to let some air in before I settle in to study for that looming accounting test and create a presentation for next week's Saturday class.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's the little things, but they're also big things. Especially when they're waffle fries and a pretty blue sky.</span><br />
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-36296026255649829222016-04-10T12:45:00.001-07:002016-04-10T12:45:47.731-07:00Japanigans Shenanigans<span style="font-size: large;">Oh heyyyy! I mean, Kon'nichiwa!</span><br />
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I returned from my trip to Japan a couple weeks ago, then promptly started my MBA program the next day! Between working full time and going to school at night and the added commute it takes to get to campus and recovering from jet lag and trying to make time for a social life as well....I'm beat, kids! But I'll post about grad school on a different day.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Today, this is about Japan!</span><br />
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Japan, Japan, Japan. Here's the thing: this trip was challenging for me. Probably my most challenging trip to date. And that is hard for me to admit, considering all the people I know who have seemed to travel there without a hitch. (Just me??) I want to stay real about that in this post because I know social media often portrays one picture when the real story might be another. Obviously my experience isn't necessarily a reflection of Japan or its people so much as it was things to do with my personality/taste buds and some unfortunate perfect storms of mistakes leading to costly/discouraging setbacks here and there. I will say upfront that overall, I do look back on this trip with fondness for the good parts and people that I loved :)<br />
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SO! I saw amazing things in Japan, I took amazing pictures, I had an amazing travel buddy...and yet, challenging! My other international trips felt more accessible to me. I think one mistake with this trip was to cram 3 cities into one week, which meant by the time I felt oriented in each city it was time to hop along to the next one. As someone who has felt confident and secure on all previous trips, it put a dent in my travel confidence to feel so overwhelmed on this one. And, it seemed like the phrases and politeness we used in one city would work well and in the next city would result in getting waved away or yelled at. I am sure tourists experience the same thing anywhere in the world, depending on who they interact with, but somehow it was a first for me.<br />
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Also, the food was admittedly difficult for me, which I didn't expect. I had a few things I loved -- like some fabulous sashimi at the fish market in Tokyo, and some amazing bowls of ramen. A lot of the times though, the flavors and textures I encountered didn't sit well with me (turns out Japan is really into tofu and I am...not so much...haha). Obviously this is all personal preference, and I'd never want to deter anyone who might actually have the right palate for this country. But for me and my travel companion, it meant a lot of feeling hungry and....just going to own up to this...eating at McDonald's four times just to feel full on something familiar. (Probably equals the number of times I've been to McDonald's in the past two years combined haha) (More of an In 'n Out and Chick-Fil-A girl, myself.)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This trip taught me a couple key things:</span><br />
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1) I want to be much more compassionate toward tourists and refugees in my own country. How overwhelming it is to feel like you can't read any signs, the food feels really foreign, and it's hit or miss if people will help you out or turn you away. I neverrrr want to make anyone feel that way! And I can't imagine experiencing those barriers AND having no home country to ever go back to. Makes my heart hurt. I was so, so, so, so grateful for the people along the way who answered our broken-Japanese questions or walked us across train stations to find trains we NEVER would have found on our own, etc. Heart throbs for those beautiful people!<br />
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2) Next time I travel to an Asian country, I'm hiring a guide! I definitely got a confidence boost whenever I figured something out on my own (who's your daddy, Kyoto metro map), but the time/money spent on the setbacks would have been soooo nice to avoid. With a guide (or just a friend who speaks the language), I could have enjoyed all the amazing sights without all the time/money/frustration spent figuring things out. Plus, Japan is super safe. I kept thinking how much worse those hard moments would have felt in a country where I'd also have to worry much more about my safety when things went wrong. Lessons learned in advance for next time!<br />
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3) Life is a continual practice in patience, both with myself and others. I kept thinking along the way, "Why isn't this easier for me? No one else told me they had a hard time in Japan. I've never had such a difficult time while traveling." At one point on this trip, I lost the key to my Airbnb somewhere in Tokyo. It was embarrassing and frustrating to email the owner and have her come meet us to give us a new key. On another day, we missed a flight boarding time (not the takeoff time -- the boarding time) by ~10 minutes and were not allowed to board. We could literally see the boarding area from where we stood, but no amount of pleading could sway them, and we ended up having to purchase a new flight for 2 hours later that was no cheap replacement (and weirdly no easy feat to purchase a new ticket -- one example where I felt like something that should have been so simple seemed so out of my reach). Literally, we sat in the airport's cafe after that in crushed moods while Lionel Richie played over the speakers. It felt right, haha.<br />
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With all of THAT said.....now you can see all the beautiful pictures :) Please note how CLEAN everything is in Japan. Seriously, spotless subway cars with freshly vacuumed, plush benches. I loved that about this country. And I will say, if I ever find my way back to Japan I will feel much better prepared and more confident going into it. Lessons learned in not cramming too much into a week-long trip and assuming it will be as easy to figure out as other trips somehow were!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The lows on this trip were low, but the highs were stunning. Enjoy!</span><br />
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Indoor slippers always and forever:</div>
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The guy guarding the ramen place:</div>
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The magically delicious ramen at said ramen place:</div>
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Fish market in Tokyo:</div>
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This egg salad sandwich on the train had all kinds of raw fish in it. I like raw fish but not so much in my egg salad, haha. Also I thought I ordered turkey but that's how it goes sometimes:</div>
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The photo booths in Harajuku were UHMAZING:</div>
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One course of the many-course meal at our traditional Japanese inn. Loved this place, struggled getting half this meal down. No insult to them -- again, just apparently learned on this trip that I'm not crazy about really legit Japanese food, though how I wish I was!</div>
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Michelle is happy that the meat in this course was cooked :)</div>
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I would begin every day of my life with a steamy indoor hot tub overlooking nature if I could:</div>
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Vending machines are a THING in Japan! Our approach was to toss in some yen and gamble on a picture. I loved this green grape soda with pieces of aloe. Not pictured: hot cans of hot chocolate and coffee. Now THAT I could go for in my home city.</div>
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No creeper-petting the women. Rules I can get behind.</div>
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The torii gates -- a must-do if you're ever in Kyoto!</div>
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A cat cafe! I like cats and yet this was a horrifying experience. haha</div>
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Bamboo forest at Storm Mountain:</div>
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Sunrise pic on one of those spotless subway cars:</div>
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Ocean break in Okinawa....</div>
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....home country of Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid!</div>
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This CD is a hilarious story. Michelle and I stopped into a grocery store to get snacks, and we saw this delightful puppy CD in a bin that we thought was labeled "4 for 20." Score! So we put it in our pile and then enjoyed it in our rental car (yes, I drove on the left side of the road! champion!) Later while checking the receipt, we deciphered that it actually cost us $20. Haha. It was full of such gems, though!</div>
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I really wanted to see tons and tons of cherry blossoms on this trip but we were about a week early for the full bloom. Caught some ambitious early bloomers though:</div>
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Into the ocean in Okinawa! Michelle went scuba diving and then we both went snorkeling. They're not in any pictures, but we were literally swimming amongst schools of neon fish. It was amazing.</div>
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American Village in Okinawa</div>
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Our fearless dive-shop friend, Yuma!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And that's all! Sayonara!</span></div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-17869055891167498892016-03-18T17:56:00.000-07:002016-03-18T17:56:27.467-07:00One Work Week in New York City<span style="font-size: large;">Please sing title to the tune of Wicked's "One short day in the Emerald City...."</span><br />
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Now that we've gotten that out of the way....yes! I went to NYC for a week for a work trip. Stayed at the <a href="http://www.sohogrand.com/" target="_blank">Soho Grand hotel</a> (they give you a pet goldfish for your room if you ask the front desk -- obsessed!) and worked at my company's office in the Meatpacking District.<br />
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Let me first say about NYC: I love the subway. I love its efficiency (when it's not broken). I love not worrying about parking and accounting for travel time other than exactly how long the train takes. It s so lovely and San Francisco pales in comparison for a visitor getting around.<br />
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Let me next say about NYC: What a magic place! I feel like I'm in a movie when I'm there. The last time I went there was about 5 years ago, and I love how much less intimidated I felt this time around. Maybe because I've traveled more since then? NYC felt accessible to me. Full of treasures I could just choose to see, and then easily go see them. ALSO THE FOOD YUMMMM<br />
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And let me finally say about NYC: Don't lick the subway poles or you'll get sick. JK, I didn't do that. But I did get sick, which was a bummer, but I still did so many good things before the illness plagued me! So I'm still a happy clam.<br />
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Headed out tomorrow on a non-work trip (EXCITED) (STAY TUNED) (and follow along at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/katildagrams/" target="_blank">@katildagrams</a> on Instagram) (March is a whirlwind!), and I wanted to document NYC before I leave for that.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">On to the pictures!</span><br />
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First and most important: I SAW HAMILTON. It is everything it's cracked up to be and more. Please catch it when it starts touring to a city near you next year!</div>
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(Not picture: the slowly raging sore throat that hit me that day. I would not be stopped.)</div>
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Shake Shack first-timer. SOLD.</div>
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Stumbled across an amateur ice-skating competition in Central Park. </div>
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Freedom Tower</div>
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Mmmm pastries</div>
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New York Public Library</div>
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Grand Central Station - Y U SO PRETTY</div>
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Also saw this one -- can never say no to Les Mis!</div>
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Chocolate Salted Caramel Donut from <a href="http://www.doughdoughnuts.com/" target="_blank">Dough</a>. THE BEST</div>
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Ventured out on foot one night in search of dumplings. Joe's Shanghai is where it's at, and for only $6.50 cash.</div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-54249254957735411302016-03-04T23:05:00.001-08:002016-03-04T23:05:55.111-08:00#feelthebern2016<span style="font-size: large;">You're about to witness a phenomenon I refer to as "lazy blogging."</span><br />
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As in, I put the exact words and photo below on both Facebook and Instagram earlier and now it is also going here. Because. To those of you who follow me in all such places, I either apologize or say you're welcome if you like repeats.<br />
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Do you know those people? Repeats people? People who can and will and do re-watch entire TV series because they liked it the first time? I am not those people. Unless we're talking <i>Boy Meets World</i> reruns, because come to mama yes and please. Otherwise, just once will do.<br />
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Anyway, that post I'm reposting. It's.....political! I know, new things for me. I'm so super progressive right now. But I will add a tidbit that I didn't post in those other places: I don't hate Hillary. I don't love her the way I love me some Bernie, but I also don't dislike her. And, I'd probably explode with joy if we had a female president. Oh, be still my heartstrings! I feel like whatever way the democratic primaries play out, I'm going to come out somewhere on the spectrum of decently satisfied. Which is why I relinquished my Independent registration this year and finally picked a party so I could participate. America, you're always trying to box me in. You win this round.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But on to that post.</span><br />
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It began with a photo....<br />
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Including a caption....<br />
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BERNIE IS BAE // Been on the Bernie train for some time now, but always struggle with politically "outing" myself because The United States of Internets ain't the friendliest territory. There's a pressure to feel perfectly politically versed at the risk of criticism, condescension and snubbery (it's a word now). In the face of this, many of us are overwhelmed or reluctant to bother getting involved, even privately. What works best for me is to hone in on the issues that matter most to me in a leader, then find a candidate that speaks to my soul in those areas. My pet passion is the promotion of respect, dignity and equality for marginalized populations -- be you poor, gay, black, female, muslim, what-have-you. And so, here's to a man who's been advocating for the underdogs for decades longer than I've even been alive. Here's to his self- and human-respect, his consistency, his honesty, his maturity and his passion. Here's to a campaign funded by an army of fervent supporters made up of regular ol' people that feel that same confident "yes, this" in their guts that I feel. Here's to trust. Here's to watching videos of his speeches, both old and new, and feeling a lump in my throat out of pride and not fear. It's a voice and a heart and a fire I'd be proud to have representing my American dream. AND...I wish to each and all of you a candidate that ignites your souls and minds just the same. Happy Election Season! ‪#‎feelthebern‬<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">End blog of a gram and a post.</span><br />
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And now back to my currently scheduled activities, as detailed on mah Twitters <a href="https://twitter.com/K8Ehawkes" target="_blank">@K8Ehawkes</a>....<br />
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Anxiously unable to go to sleep bc i'm anxious about waking up on time and also now anxious that i can't sleep. My travel eve tradition!</div>
— Katie Hawkes (@K8Ehawkes) <a href="https://twitter.com/K8Ehawkes/status/705992689901133824">March 5, 2016</a></blockquote>
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....stay tuned for info on the aforementioned travels. As always, will be more or less live-streamed on mah Instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/katildagrams/" target="_blank">@katildagrams</a>. The club can't even handle me right now.</div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-69121637808120245302016-02-27T22:39:00.001-08:002016-02-27T23:27:47.323-08:00A Bid for Connection<span style="font-size: large;">"Pick one word to be your theme for 2016."</span><br>
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A couple weeks ago, I sat around the table at a local Korean joint with a few close friends, discussing our lives and hopes and dreams etc over steaming bowls of sticky rice and hot sauce. You know how it goes. Someone proposed the one-word theme idea, and we each took turns sharing what our word would be.<br>
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My mind delved quickly into the little pockets of my brain and rummaged about for an answer. My thoughts roved from work to relationships to my upcoming first quarter of school to finances to world travel to family to hobbies.<br>
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<i>Do I write enough anymore? I used to spill my brain into a handwritten journal every night, in addition to blogging almost daily or weekly for a few solid years. Do I play ultimate frisbee like I used to, like my sanity depends on it and the feeling of the grass under my cleats is the literal substance of happiness and air in my lungs?</i><br>
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<i>Do I need to be more organized? More purposeful? More intentional?</i><br>
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<i>Do I need to meditate? Breathe more? Unwind more?</i><br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Katie, what's your word?"</span><br>
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<i>It's something like attachment, </i>I said. <i>But that word doesn't have quite the right feeling to it.</i><br>
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<i>I think I've spent a long time priding myself on being good at forgiving easily, letting go of stuff and moving through life unscathed. But I'm starting to feel like maybe what I'd been doing this whole time would be better described as detachment. So I guess I'm looking for the opposite of that.</i><br>
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"Sounds like you're talking about connection."<br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yes. Yes! <i>Connection.</i></span><br>
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I want to learn to be angry without telling myself why I should let it go before I'm even done thinking the angry thought or saying the angry words. I want to be able to relax and be calm without my brain nagging at me. I want to move my body and fill my lungs just for the sake of the way it feels and the joy that it gives me. I want to sink into conversations with friends and family like it's the biggest possible priority in my life. I want to dive into school and learn and grow and stretch and engage in a way that accurately reflects how utterly hungry I am for it. I want to open my mouth and admit when something is hard for me instead of pulling away from it. I want to continue traveling to places that stick to my soul like a worn world map scotch-taped around my heart. I want to listen to music the way I used to -- with open ears and eager eyes grasping desperately on to pieces of lyrics with accompanying melodies that somehow explain parts of myself to me in ways that I couldn't.<br>
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I want to plug myself in to every individual part of my life, the good and the bad and the busy and the calm. Even the parts that hurt. I want to lean in. I want to feel it all the way to my fingers and toes for whatever it all is, without judgment or shame or expectation or thinking always ten steps ahead and in five directions at once.<br>
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I spent my Thursday evening, two nights ago, on a field with a plastic disc in my hand. The smell of the warm grass greeted me like an old friend and tugged at my throat like there was some kind of rapturous cry of joy that'd been waiting to come out for awhile. And for the next hour, I felt sweat on my body and pure joy in my veins that pulled me back to college and club teams and tournaments and a thousand sticky-sweet rushes of adrenaline. Later that night, I turned up the volume on a Jimmy Eat World album and stuck my hand out the window into the night air as I drove home.<br>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And I reconnected.</span><br>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-818233478024465102016-02-25T14:28:00.001-08:002016-02-25T14:40:05.944-08:00Tattoo #2<span style="font-size: large;">One of the most common questions I received after <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2015/09/ink-on-my-arm.html" target="_blank">my first tattoo</a> was, "Are you going to get more?"</span><br />
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.....yep! Also, wouldn't it be funny if we asked people that question in response to other monumental things?<br />
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"I just ran a marathon!" "Cool! Are you going to run another one?"<br />
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"It's my birthday!" "Awesome! Think you'll have more?"<br />
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...lolz. Anyway, yes, I pulled the trigger this week on my second piece of ink. And much like the first, I am head over heels for it because a mother's love multiplies infinitely.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here she is, <strike>in the</strike> on my flesh:</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Explanation: </span>Morse code for "Here Comes the Sun," as in the Beatles song. When I was a freshman in college and homesick/freezing away from Arizona, my dad (who had recently gotten into downloading music), mailed me a CD he'd burned for me, with 8 different versions of the aforementioned song -- everyone from George Harrison to Coldplay to Jewel. So this simultaneously reminds me of my papanwa, that old-timey-1960s-feel-good-kinda music, my desert roots, and more symbolic things like that every hard thing passes and more good is always on its way. (In the words of Rolling Stone Magazine: "a graceful anthem of hope.")<br />
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A tattoo I've wanted for awhile but was looking for just the right way to say it. Then one day, there it was. And so, here it is. My graceful little anthem of hope.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">"Little darling...I say it's all right."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">p.s.</span> To answer your question, yes I'll probably get one or two more :)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">p.p.s.</span> you'd be amazed how many people want to question your basic intelligence when you tattoo something on your body. "Are you sure those coordinates are right?" "...yep." "That morse code seems off." "...nope." #eyeroll #ihaveabrainthanks</div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-68497693515249203002016-02-03T18:01:00.000-08:002016-02-03T18:01:28.112-08:00On Coming Home<span style="font-size: large;">It's no secret that I l-o-v-e to travel.</span><br />
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And maybe as much as I love the actual travel part, I am obsessed with the anticipation part. The planning. The hunting for places and things and prices and treasures to settle the itinerary just tightly or loosely enough. It is 110% organic free-range delicious.<br />
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I had barely settled back in from <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2016/01/my-new-years-trip-to-panama.html" target="_blank">my Panama trip</a> when I became determined to plan my next jaunts, especially with <a href="http://www.katilda.com/2015/10/so-im-going-to-get-mba-feat-highlights.html" target="_blank">grad school</a> coming up this spring and thus the impending restriction on my willy nilly wanderings.<br />
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My friend said, "You have this NEED to travel." And I do. I love the sandwich. The space between the high of one adventure and the promise of the next.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But maybe my favorite part of all? I love home.</span><br />
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And by that I mean California, but I also mean my parents' house in Arizona. Because both homes feel really, really good inside. I love those lazy Arizona nights watching TV and laughing with my family, trying to convince the cat to warm up to me, seeing old friends and being cocooned in warm air, purple and sage cactus landscapes, the best sunsets in the world and streets whose names I'll never need to look up or get lost on.<br />
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In California, I love being settled into my room and my space. My big new-ish queen bed (I'm such an adult!) with my gray sheets and pillows and the sheer white curtains with the white christmas lights strung behind them, and the walls carefully strewn with arts and prints and bedazzlings. The space is cozy and perfect and mine.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I treasure being in my routine.</span><br />
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In my office all day, with my coworkers. With my friends at social gatherings. Checking my mailbox and driving my car and watering my plants (may most of them rest in peace though, so let's never talk about it again ever nope).<br />
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So yes, I love my adventures and my travels and discovering new things, new ideas, new people, new worlds. It opens my eyes and cracks me open and wears me out in all the right ways.<br />
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But always, one of the best parts is the arrivals curb and a little gold house key dug out of a suitcase pocket and sleepy eyes and frazzled airplane hair and clothes on their 3rd or 4th wearing, with a hot shower and fresh sweatpants and my own little space on the other side of the front door, with the days and weeks ahead of me promising me nothing but more of the beautiful same.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Home, home, home. Mine, mine, mine. It fills me to the brim and spills me over.</span><br />
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-39877485132452820092016-01-24T13:04:00.000-08:002016-01-24T13:25:25.198-08:0024 Hours in San Francisco<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Last week, my friend Rustin informed me that he was coming to San Francisco for exactly 24 hours.</span><br />
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Thanks to El Nino, that turned into 20 hours due to flight delays. Not to be deterred, we set out on a San Francisco highlights tour, curated by none other than me and organized by whatever I felt like doing. It was kind of fun for me to realize, on limited time, exactly what I wanted a first-timer in San Francisco to do and see.<br />
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We spent Friday evening, after the airline finally delivered Rustin to the Bay Area, just boppin' around The Castro -- San Francisco's gay district. What a treat! I'd never spent much time there other than passing through, and I loved the vibrant atmosphere. The crowds (albeit small, due to a bit of rain) were warm, talkative and friendly. And in Rustin's own words on the experience, "As a lonely closeted teenager, I often dreamt of a magical place called San Francisco where I could openly be myself. I finally got to take my Mecca."<br />
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It warmed my heart to watch this old friend drink it all in and see him feel giddy/elated/validated to be surrounded by people just like him. Two men or two women holding hands and kissing openly on street corners without being afraid or harassed? A new and thrilling sight for him. According to one of our Uber drivers, San Francisco is the place where "you can be anything you want to be." Amen and hallelujah I love it. (Uber driver also told us: "I'd pick Superman over Batman. A rich guy's parents die and he starts running around the city saving people? That don't happen.")<br />
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We crashed for 4ish hrs at the <a href="http://www.adelaidehostel.com/" target="_blank">Adelaide Hostel</a> near Union Square, which was an awesome/clean/accessible find. I live about an hour south of the city, give or take traffic woes and pricey train rides, so on a condensed schedule it was most time effective (and added to the adventure!) to find local lodging. If you're ever in SF and don't want to shell out for a hotel, stay here for $30/night! To be honest, I've paid more for actual hotels in SF that weren't as good/clean as this place and definitely weren't as close to the epicenter of the city.<br />
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Early the next morning, we embarked on my highlights tour, as follows:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Alamo Square</span></div>
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Yes, "whatever happened to predictability..." (I'm sure you can finish the song) Also one of my favorite views of the city! I love the row of Painted Ladies houses. (I would have also gone to the actual <i>Full House</i> house -- the white one they zoom in on during the opening credits -- a few blocks away, but turns out Rustin wasn't as into the show as I was/am, so we hopped along to the next adventure!)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Brunch @ <a href="http://seedandsalt.com/" target="_blank">Seed + Salt</a></span></div>
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A good call for Rustin, my gluten- and dairy-free friend. Also, yum. I recommend the horchata chia seed pudding and also the toast with lemon curd or avocado. Plus the decor was everything I'd ever want in a kitchen. Minimalist? White? Wood accents? Greenery? Sold.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Lombard Street</span></div>
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The crooked part, of course! We walked a good chunk of the way between brunch and this spot, which turned out to be awesome because I loooove San Francisco housing and I'd never explored this area on foot.</div>
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Some drool-worthy houses:</div>
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And a drool-worthy view:</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ghirardelli Square</span></div>
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Because chocolate.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Pier 39 & Fisherman's Wharf</span></div>
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Things not to miss here: the creepy vintage arcade (LOVE TIMES A MILLION), the musical piano staircase, the sea lions (if you're here during the right months) and I also recommend the clam chowder or chili in a bread bowl at Boudin Bakery. Classic. (I also encourage a trip out to Alcatraz for the audio tour that launches from this area, if you have the time! Book online in advance!)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Cable Car Ride</span></div>
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I had to list it, but there's no photo because it didn't actually happen because the cable car line wasn't running. Boo. But if you're ever in San Francisco, shell out the $6 cash (included if you have a 1 or 3 or 7-day MUNI pass) for this experience. It'll take you right from the pier area back down toward Union Square, if you want. And be sure to ride standing on the outside step and hang on to a pole. Favorite!</div>
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Here's an old photo from my first trip to SF 5 years ago:</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Chinatown</span></div>
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Oh how I love Chinatown! I like to be here any time I'm in the city. Fun shops, excellent food, and of course, the fortune cookie factory in an alley! (Don't be a chump -- pay the 50 cents they ask for photos.) I also picked up a couple bags of X-rated fortune cookies to give to some friends. Time will tell if the contents are actually sexy or just hilarious.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Union Square</span></div>
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This place was under construction (as was everyyyywhere) due to the Super Bowl coming in town next month. There's an ice rink here in the winter usually. And, all the shopping you could ever want. I took Rustin to the top floors of Macy's to get some of the best photo ops overlooking the square. Word to the wise: take the escalators. The elevator is a trap.</div>
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Here's a photo of Union Square from a couple years ago, so you can see it not all banged up (and <a href="https://scontent.fsnc1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/12645046_10208069549712747_900504833459536123_n.jpg?oh=e3ab40cb5c2ef48051f27410268ac8c3&oe=572E7D9F" target="_blank">here</a> is one Rustin posted -- daaaammnnn)</div>
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The end! The whirlwind trip concluded with a chaotic trip to the airport (thanks no thanks to a flock of protestors) BUT....all in all such a great time on such little time. When Rustin moves here to be in his gay Mecca, we'll check off the cable car, Alcatraz, the ferry building and the Mission (where one goes for the best Mexican food and vibrant street art and also mariachi bands).</div>
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And for you who can eat gluten, make sure to hit North Beach (the Italian area) and go to <a href="http://tonyspizzanapoletana.com/" target="_blank">Tony's Pizza</a>. I recommend getting there mid-afternoon, and/or ordering takeout and eating it at the park across the street -- otherwise you'll be waiting for your entire life. Eat the sausage & stout pizza. Never look back. Come visit and I'll eat this pizza with you!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I love that I live so close to such a wonderful city. It's no wonder people sing about it keeping their hearts.</span></div>
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katildahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17794183122186770465noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9050262466308751436.post-48508695923057244292016-01-20T19:56:00.001-08:002016-01-20T19:57:57.559-08:00My New Year's Trip to Panama<span style="font-size: large;">Hola!</span><br />
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See how good I am at the Spanish? OK so I've been back from Panama for a couple weeks and I kept meaning to post pictures and tell stories but it just felt like such a large task that I was dragging my feet. (Literally I hurt one of my feet working out this weekend and have been shuffling around. Literal foot dragging.)<br />
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I want to skip any travel advice or yada yada because you can find that anywhere on the Internets. All I want to do is simply tell you my 5 favorite parts of my first time traveling to Latin America, and then I'm going to give you pictures. And thus, a memory is successfully recorded :) Here we go!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My 5 Favorite Pana-Memories</span></div>
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(in no particular order)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. Snorkeling in Bocas del Toro. </span>Think island chain. Think a girl who gets very nervous about sea creatures and underwater mysteries. But put me over a shallow coral reef and let me work my way into it.....sold. Love me some starfish and coral and little schools of tiny fish. Plus wearing flippers is fun. Happy happy.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. I drank straight from a coconut. </span>With a straw. A woman hacked it open for me with a machete. It cost $1.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. The infamous muddy bicycle ride.</span> For those of you familiar with <i>The Neverending Story</i>, I refer to this wayward adventure as The Artax & Atreyu Remembrance Tour. Basically we were told by the owners of our jungle bungalow (jungalow?) (is that an exotic male escort?) that we could rent bikes and go on a leisurely ride up the island to a picturesque blue lagoon. In reality, we slogged through some mud up to our knees and never made it to the lagoon and it was pretttyyy funny. And sweaty. But you can't hate any activity that ends with cleaning yourself up in the ocean. People pay a lot of money for that kind of mud spa experience.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. Casco Viejo.</span> Aka, the historic district of Panama City. The rest of PC was just...a city...for me. But THIS area...special piece of my heart. It was very European, with narrow streets and balconies and tiny cars and plazas strung with lights and new buildings mingling with old buildings and crumbling churches and lilting street music (I heard a local boy band play "Bailando" by Enrique, my life is complete)....all on a small peninsula surrounded by the ocean. If I had a home in Panama, it'd be here. I'd also have to pay my left arm for it. It's fine.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. Fireworks on the islands. </span>My favorite memories always have to include fireworks, and this trip was no exception. Rather than boating in the dark over to the main island in the Bocas archipelago for the NYE festivities (see: drunken fiestas that would have been great in their own way), we opted to stay over on our more Caribbean island (Bastimento) and just play it cool. And literally, I think we were the only non-locals around. We had a leisurely dinner taking shelter from the rain, line-danced with some local teenage girls, then watched the random fireworks pop up all over the islands across the water (and some really close to us). The fireworks were followed promptly by a torrential downpour.<br />
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The end! Honorary mention to all the lovely ceviche I ate (notably at <a href="http://lasclementinas.com/" target="_blank">Las Clementinas</a>, if you're ever in Casco Viejo -- eat the ceviche and also eat breakfast there!) and also honorable mention to a great tan in the middle of winter. And to seeing a giant ship go through the Miraflores locks at the Panama Canal because whoa.<br />
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Saludos amigos! Esta bien!<br />
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