On Allowing Yourself to Shine

This little light of mine...

Not too long ago, I wrote a post about the power of being openly flawed. There is another side to that coin: the power of being openly amazing.

When it comes to our talents, it's easy to worry what people will think if we share them. For example, here are some things I love: writing, playing my guitar, putting outfits together, volunteering, etc. These things bring me so much joy! And naturally, I want to share that joy. I want to shout about my happiness.

That's usually when the nasty little inner voices kick in.

"You can't Instagram a picture of your outfit; it's conceited." "Don't share a video of you playing the guitar; people will think you're just looking for attention." "Ooh, you probably shouldn't share another link to your blog -- it's getting a little narcissistic." "Gosh, we all know you love service projects, but isn't it ruining it if you tell people you're doing it?" "Geez, Katie? Another Facebook status or tweet about some amusing thought you had? You should probably stop talking so much."

Side note: it took me about eleventy tries to spell narcissistic.

But it's true -- it's easy to second guess our reasons for sharing our joys and talents. It's easy to think that people will assume the wrong intent, and that it's better to keep your mouth shut and keep it to yourself.

You know what? To hades with it, I say. Why not share what you love? Why not spread your joy? Why not tell people about volunteering and serving in your community? Why not put a little inspiration and happiness and love out there?

We are afraid of letting ourselves sparkle.

My Chrissy is one of my favorite examples of kicking the "play it small" habit. Even her blog name, Let Me See You Sparkle, is all about this exact idea. Let yourself sparkle! (And if you need a whole pile of warm fuzzies, check out her Instagram @chrissydelacy because she's been on a Random Acts of Kindness spree today and it is seriously warming that little beating muscle behind my rib cage.)

Let's all take a note from her book. What is it that you're good at? What is that you love? What good have you done in the world today? Share it. Talk about it. Invite people to share in your joy. Don't be afraid of being amazing, passionate and kind-hearted. False assumptions about your motivations be hooverdammed.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marianne Williamson

...I'm-a gonna let it shine.

I got me one of them JOB things.

Raise your hand if you got a job today...

YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, FOOLS.
It's just temporary, but hey....HEY, IT'S SOMETHING. Time will tell if the temporary job turns into a long-term gig (I know full well how fickle those contract jobs can be) or if I'll go a different direction, but for the time being...

I am once again an employed human being! I'll be doing content writing, eCommerce development and social media for an antiques furniture and decor company! WOOT!

If you know me, you know I'm passionate about all that old vintage stuff. My entire apartment is an array of carefully selected Goodwill treasures. You are also probably aware that I love social media. I LOVE IT. So combine these two areas? Yes please!

I mean, I watch Antiques Roadshow for fun...if that says anything.

I feel excited, happy, relieved and blessed. I drove home after getting the offer yesterday, blasting Katy Perry's "Roar" in my car, made a pit stop for some In 'n Out french fries and a Dr. Pepper, and danced in my car like a crazy child (a safe-driver crazy child, don't worry) all the way home.

SILICON VALLEY, LET'S DO THIS FOR REALS.

p.s. They have a little dog in the office, named Potato. Actually his name is Tudou (too-doh), which is Chinese for potato so I feel like I can use the names interchangeably. Potato likes to bark at me and then sit by/on my feet during interviews. I think it's his way of testing my grit and comforting me all at once. I think we will be great friends. Please stay tuned for the inevitable pictures.

Time to talk about...feelings...

Hello and welcome to my therapy session.

You know in movies where the patient says, "I feel...lonely..." and the therapist is some absentminded loon doodling on a clipboard who responds, "Talk about....lonely..."? Don't worry, I have a better opinion of therapists than that. But in any case, today we're going to "talk about....feelings...."

In the interest of updating you on my little NorCal life, I feel...

...hopeful. Little lifelines keep on coming to keep me afloat financially and emotionally, and I'm confident the big guy upstairs and the good people in my life will continue to look out for me.

...curious. I can't stop thinking about outer space lately and how much I want to go there someday. I feel like I need to educate myself more on the matter. I also want to type SPACE in capital letters every time I write it, just like I always want to do with the word SCIENCE.

...nostalgic. To be honest, I haven't had too many homesick moments for Arizona. But every time someone posts on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/everywhere about monsoon season, I wish I was right there in those warm rainstorms. Some of the best memories of my whole life involve August and the smell of warm rain!

...tired. I'm training for the Napa Valley Ragnar Relay next month. I always forget how much consistent running transforms me into a hibernating bear. I want double the sleep and double the food, always. On cue, I'm currently hungry again. SNACKS! (That word follows the same rules as SPACE and SCIENCE.)

...frustrated. I cried three separate times on Sunday night and Monday morning because I just feel like I'm reaching a breaking point with job hunting. I'm working my tail off just to get noticed and make companies realize that I could be a really good thing for them. It can get demoralizing.

...intrigued. Considering some alternative writing career paths that I hadn't thought about before. Still involves writing, but maybe different than the deadline-driven frenzy of content writing that I'm accustomed to. Currently working on scheduling lunch or coffee dates with people who do what I'm interested in doing. Fingers crossed!

...swamped. Job hunting is surprisingly busy. All the job boards to check, the cover letters to write, the writing tests that every interview process wants, even just for small part-time things...I'm investing a lot of hours in all of it. It wouldn't be so different than normal work, except I don't get paid for any of it....so then I still have to squeeze in time for freelance assignments to pay some billz. I'm creatively sapped and mentally overworked, with a dwindling bank account.

...grateful. People here are seriously so nice. I feel like I've been welcomed with open arms and had so many adventures to keep me occupied! If I didn't have that, the job hunt stress could very well do me in.

...growing pains. Sometimes I look back on phases of my life and recognize that I grew a lot, and other times I can feel the growing pains and recognize the growth in very real, current ways. I'm in one of those latter phases. I can see myself turning inside and out and stretching as every tough and amazing week goes by. I'm excited to see what/who I turn out to be.

...happy. Even amid the stress of it all, I am so happy to be on this #bravekatie adventure. I am proud of myself for taking that leap, even if I feel like I left the cliff's edge two months ago and still haven't quite found my footing yet.  I just have these little moments where I feel like happiness is coming out of my pores, and the permeating thought in my head is a simple, quiet, "Yes." And that inner voice (the same one that made me get in my car and move here in the first place) alone makes any of the other junk easier to navigate. I've learned to trust that inner voice with my life. It always knows.

And that's all. Thank you for joining me in talking about...feelings...

Star Trek, Spock & Snapchat Fails

What is Snapchat for besides Star Trek references, right?

...maybe don't answer that. But I do love a good random Snapchat sesh with my amigos. It's even better when I really fail gloriously at it. Behold...

...the condition of these Snapchats best reflects the current condition of my brain, I think. Who knew job hunting and not getting a regular paycheck could somehow be so utterly time consuming? I'm swimming in cover letters and writing assignments over here...some for freelance pay, but most for interview processes. It's insane the amount of time it all takes! But it's a means to an end, you know. A lovely "I can pay my rent without getting an ulcer about it" end. And I'm grateful there are at least jobs to apply for! We got this.

In the meantime...I work on, and Snapchat on. Small breaks and breathers are best. Over and out!

A&A: Star Wars & Strange Trucks

Dudes, we're so overdue for some of this business. On with it!

Awkward...
▲ Last weekend I climbed into my friend's large black truck and discovered it was not, in fact, his large black truck. The people who did, in fact, own said large black truck proceeded to stare at me in shock from the front seat. I ran away. I got out and ran right away.

▲ I'm sorry but...200 CATS?! Crazy things going on behind the scenes at Disneyland: http://goo.gl/zpybd5

▲ I ran into a door at a job interview. When my contact at the company emailed me to ask how the meeting with the director went, I told him I left there "feeling sweaty and in need of a Dr. Pepper." I think I've reached a point of blunt honesty and no inhibitions with this job hunt thing.
▲ A radio station named KFOK. Why does this happen?

Awesome...
▲ This emotional Titanic recorder solo is all things yes.
▲ Star Wars fashion exists and I need that R2D2 swimsuit now please: http://bit.ly/1d6MB1h
▲ I frequently (see: daily) (and nightly) overhear my upstairs neighbors bickering, the teenage son in English and the mom in an unidentified asian dialect. Today it reached new, amazing levels as the young fellow insisted on SINGING over his mother's foreign chatter...to the tune of Billy Joel's "For the Longest Time." The louder she ranted, the louder he Billy Joeled. I am emotionally attached to these people.
▲ These creative bookstore ads claim to capture the magic of reading and I'd have to agree.

▲ If you have any soft spot in your heart for Arizona, you will love this website.
▲ My Kerry girl made a list toward the bottom of this post of things her Henry dog has taught her, and I feel like it's some top-notch life advice! On that note, I've been on a dog kick lately and frequently look at the local rescue listings (this is not the first phase I've been through) even though my living situation says it's a no-go. I picked out a doberman this week who weighs as much as I do, and I look at pictures of him online daily. His description says he's "initially reserved," has "beautiful house manners," and "within a day is ready to lay down his life for his family." He would be my fierce friend, protector and running buddy, I just know it! Oh look, here he is now:

Music: The Blessed Unrest

It's easy for me to label different phases of my life by the music I listened to at the time.

Sometimes I figure out what the music is after the fact -- when I hear certain songs or artists later on, and BAM I'm in a fit of nostalgia (or a fit of dread and clenched tummy) about a different time and place. Music has a funny, transportive way of making you feel old emotions like you're right back in the moment.

A few opening strains and some key lyrics and I'm easily thrown back to the anticipation and goodbye of my senior year of high school (Ben Folds Rocking the Suburbs), the general gray loneliness of the few months after I transferred colleges and landed in Provo (Patty Griffin's "Burgundy Shoes"), the calm and nausea and hope and frenzy of the first couple months back in AZ after graduation (the Weepies), a dozen sweaty concert crowds (Jimmy Eat World, the Format, Yellowcard, etc etc etc), and a half dozen sore heartaches (Radical Face, the Beatles, Rocky Votolato, Sara Bareilles, Taylor Swift, etc etc etc).

And speaking of Sara Bareilles, she's the reason for this post. Because her new album is my NOW music.

via

I loved her new album, The Blessed Unrest, at first listen for several reasons. She's always had a way of producing lyrics that speak to me, but something about the very chords and beats of this one unsettle me in all the good ways. For example, the discordant high note on the word "sun" in the chorus of "Chasing the Sun" does something to my insides. I don't think it's the most mind-blowing music I've ever heard, but still, it's like the very unrest (aptly named album) of it all gets under my skin and matches the exact flavor of all the emotions I've had since uprooting and moving to California. It's like adventure, fear, hope, anxiety, longing and finding all at once. The visual is something like...running and cliff jumping into an ocean. (Jason Bourne? I don't know.)

Give it a listen:

Other favorite tracks include 1000 Times, Satellite Call, Brave, Manhattan, I Choose You, December, Islands....um, all of them?

Anyone else rocking the Sara B lately? Or have your own "defines a specific time period of life" music?

6 Things You Should Know About Me

So, I got tagged for a "6 things you should know about me" post.
(Thanks, Lauren from Pink on the Cheek!) (And I'm VERY pleased that she's moving to norcal and we can be real friends now please thank you that is all.)

I thought the ol' blog could use a little lighthearted fun, and what's more lighthearted and fun than a themed post that reminds me of those email forwards we used to obsessively fill out and send around to each other? I'm talking pre-Xanga, you guys. It was like a form of retro, prehistoric blogging via Juno and AOL. Anyway, on with it!

6 Things You Should Know About Me
(Also, "should" is an awfully bossy word and I'm an awfully not bossy person. But ok.)

1. Is this how you imagined your life would be?

N to the O, not at all. I remember being 19 and thinking that girls who were (gasp!) 24 and single were living in some kind of alternate reality and why didn't boys want them and sooo saaaddd for themmm. Now I'm 26 (and a half, as of Sunday) and I'm living in northern California and I have a college degree and legitimate stuff on my resume and WHOA, you know? But I was just thinking today how happy I am. Current job hunt woes aside, I am a seriously blessed girl. God had a better plan and identity for me than I had for myself, and I think there's more coming.

2. If money were no question, I would purchase...

A year of traveling in Europe. A month or two in each country. Time in the big cities, but time in the nooks and countrysides as well. I'd meet the locals and ride bicycles into the fields late at night and sleep under the stars and see the northern lights in Iceland and go dancing in Spain and pick grapes in Italy and spend hours in libraries and cathedrals and watch sunset after sunset over cityline after cityline. I'd live with only what I could carry and it would include simple shoes, several white t-shirts, a couple gray cardigans, and only the bare necessities. Be still my heart, I can't even handle this paragraph.

3. What's your drink of choice when out with girlfriends?

I need a moment of silence for the blue powerade Sonic slushie because there is no Sonic near me and my heart is broken about it. My heart is thirsty and broken.

4. What do you love about yourself?

It's easy for me to love other people. Also, turns out I'm braver than I thought. I like that I'm starting to learn that about me.

5. Name one good deed you did that went unseen.

Uhhh this makes me uncomfortable. I'm keeping the big ones to myself because it makes them less special if I share them. So I'll just say that....I once picked starfish up on the beach one by one and hurled them back into the sea. An old man stopped and told me that I couldn't possibly save them all, and I just tossed one out there and said, "I made a difference to that one." ......I might be fuzzy on the details, but I'm pretty sure that was me.

6. What hobbies do you have that you don't mention on the blog?

Daily crosswords, knitting, impatient short-lived card house building, and aspirational break dancing.

...and that's the 411, kids.

Tagging....mmmm....Jessica Nan,  Sierra, Nadia and Jenna! And gosh, all of you, if you want to play. Tags for everyone! #tagallthereaders