Sunday, October 26, 2008

these small hours.

hello one and all.

today i was thinking about TIME. First of all, that I'm glad Arizona never jumped on the daylight-savings bandwagon. Down in A-town, we let nature do its thing. The rest of the world's just on a power trip i suppose :) This clock-changing business is a bunch of confusing mumbo-jumbo, in my mind...been in Utah for more than 3 years now but I'm doubting I'll ever conform to the nonsense.

Other thoughts on time. Lately there's just never enough of it. Maybe it's the transition to BYU-land and the curse of competitive academics....maybe it's the senioritis which is taking over my life after 16 straight years of semester after semester after semester....or maybe i'm just entering a general state of entropy and apathy due to my aging years. Whatever it is, lately it feels like I've been dropping the ball. Big time. Forgotten homework assignments....skipping class to go to work instead because it just makes everything fit better in the day....midterms that I studied for but still didn't quite master (i blame the grading system. But i guess i take some personal responsibility too....but mostly the grading system. this is thoughts for another day.)

So what's the dealio, right? Little ol' Katie....little ol' straight-A Honors student "I ate the ACT for breakfast" Katie has found herself in a terrible rut. The worst part is, I'm not even sure I care. I'm not failing my classes by any means...but I'm definitely not coasting my way through them like I seemed to do in the past.

Analogy time. Anyone who knows me well, knows the most common state of my bedroom....clutter. Clothes askew. Papers aflutter. Missing socks never to be found. Every now and then I'll go crazy and clean everything up perfectly....but forgive me for not wanting to fold my pajamas first thing every morning, so it always gradually gets messy again. The problem is, once it STARTS getting messy, it gets harder and harder to motivate myself to clean it. Hence, the problem just grows. And this is exactly what I unfortunately see happening in my schoolwork....the more I slip up and forget an assignment or botch a test or whatever, the more I lose desire to dig myself out of the hole and make it better. Just reaching the end of the semester becomes the general idea. Blah.

I feel guilty. I feel like I'm messing everything up. But I lack the motivation to want to fix it. Terrible, I know.

But a nice I found a scripture. Actually, a couple of them.

1. D&C 101:16 - "Let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God."

2. Alma 40:8 - "Now whether there is more than one time appointed for men to rise it mattereth not; for all do not die at once, and this mattereth not; all is as one day with God, and time only is measured unto men."

I think the first one speaks for itself. The second a beautiful reminder. "Time" is only a pressure we put on ourselves. Well, for sure we can't lollygag around and delay progression forever because "time doesn't matter," that's not what I'm getting at. But all the undue pressure we put graduate one semester sooner or not. To get every assignment done perfectly and turned in right on the dot. To have my room clean by the end of the week. To finish every household project I wish I could. To learn every skill I wish I could before I get married and have a family. To this and that and blah blah blah. Guess what? Sometimes, "it mattereth not." God wants us to try....but He doesn't want us to beat ourselves up in the continual pursuit of deadlines and perfection.

The key be still. But not sedentary. The key is....balance. I'll let you know when I figure it out :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Happiness Bus.

"There is no rust on the happiness bus."
According to Mr. Mason Jennings....whose song you are hearing at this moment (unless your speakers aren't turned on, and/or you think music is a "blog killer.")
I heard the song this weekend. And fell in love with it. My favorite line is the one about the bus.

Tonite I volunteered at the House of Hope for the second week in a row. It's a shelter for women who are recovering from drug abuse, and their little kids. Every Tuesday night a group of us go and play guitar/piano/play with the children. It's part of a program called Utah Healing dear red-headed roommate Kirtley (kirt-face) got me involved with it, and now I'm the group leader for the House of Hope group.
I sincerely love it. Besides giving me a chance to perform, it's a wonderful reminder (aka slap in the face) to keep my head on straight and remind me how blessed I am. These women are struggling, but they are biggest problems include sketchy Internet service and a fruit-fly infestation in the kitchen (which, is still gross, actually...)
But really. Life is good. I am so blessed, and I love opportunities to bring at least a small measure of happiness to other people's lives.

There is no rust on my happiness bus.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Homeward Bound.

Remember that movie where the 2 dogs and 1 cat get left behind when the family moves, and they journey across the mountainsides to make it home? And then the sequel where they get left again but this time in NYC? (P.s., does anyone ever wonder if the family WANTED to rid themselves of these animals? I mean, c'mon, the same "accidental abandonment" twice? Psh.)

The point is...replace the three animals in this scenario with my little red ipod...and replace "journey across the mountainsides" with "was hiding in my box of shoes for the last week until my psychic roommate told me to check there."

Welcome home little ipod friend :) It's been a joyous reunion.