Friday, April 29, 2011

nutrition for really ▲

butterscotch pudding for breakfast might be an inappropriate choice.

well. i guess Fridays make me feel a bit inappropriate.


Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"the world was hers for the reading"

i go through phases with food.
i'll go a long time w/o eating something specific and then, when i have it one day, i remember how much i love it ... and then i must have it all. the. time.

this post isn't about food, though.

tonite i laid my hands on one of these:

yes yes. i am officially a library card holder again.
it was kind of thrilling to go to a new library.
walking thru the doors. orienting myself. 
fiction to the right, magazines to the left.
re-acquanting myself with the dewey decimal system.
(seriously, why must the nonfictions be organized by number and not author?)
clutching a crinkled piece of scrap paper i'd been scribbling book names on for months.
stumbling across a few delightful moments of people-watching. 
(the imagination can run stark wild concocting stories about people based on the one book or movie they happen to be holding.) 
(i wonder what people would concoct about me?)

i spent much time in libraries as a child.
i'm old-hat at disciplining myself to only get as many books as i can carry.
or, almost carry.
so yeah, i'm also old-hat at ignoring my own library rules.
oh, and i'm notorious for returning books late.
like, collections-agency notorious...

when i don't go to a library for awhile, i'm always re-amazed when i return.
you mean all those books? in one place?
for free?
what, the movies too?
those are also free??
...why do people get movies anywhere else?
oh, and seasons of tv shows....
yeah, those are free too.

i go too long between books.
much. too. long.
and then i fall in love with one, and the whole sordid affair begins again.
and, pardon the cheesiness,
but it's like my soul exists again.
and i'm thinking real, interesting thoughts again.
thoughts that arrive in eloquent phrases, all packaged for publishing.
and everything becomes a story.
and i want to write all the time.
and i feel very much alive.
this one did it for me this time:

(review to come ASAP.)

i've been asked what kind of books i read.
the good ones?
i mean, i think i read sad books.
books about human suffering.
(because it makes me love people more. not because i'm morbid.)
truth: i adore WWII fiction.
but i also really love books that reflect on human nature.
books with characters that are complicated so i always manage to see myself or someone i love in them.
books with characters so purposefully simple that i feel a little bit self-conscious for seeing myself so easily in their straightforward, predictable, sometimes childish actions and feelings.

whatever i'm reading...
i am the obsessive, involved kind of reader.
the kind that can't put it down.
that doesn't sleep until the book is done.
that daydreams about the characters more than real-life people.
(seriously, i waited for-freakin-ever for the ron&hermione saga to play out.)
the kind of reader that maybe cooks scrambled eggs with one hand while holding the book open with the other.
(no really, that happened 30min ago)
bleary eyed, sleep-deprived, incessantly distracted and deliciously happy.

oh library, you may not be healthy for me.
but thank you for your most recent treasures:

and the ones you are reserving for me, when some dastardly patron quits hogging them and returns them.
(who returns books late anyway? the nerve)
(oh yeah ... nevermind)

and now i must be going.
no more time for idle chit chat.
i've got a book on the brain.
and i can't continue two-timing with technology.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

things that make me say, "gee, that's bright."

what, you can't read the signs on the back of that truck? too small? you'd have to get right up close to see them?

yeah, let me help you:

"WARNING. Stay back 200 ft.
Not responsible for broken windshields."


i let a car merge between us about 2 seconds later.
they probably thought i was being a kind citizen.

Monday, April 25, 2011

mary kate, ashley & the oil crisis

email convo with the kels.
yeah, we're like 13 years old.
and quite possibly delusional.

[topic of discussion: ridiculous gas prices]
me: let's go drill that Alaskan oil ourselves. it can be our new job!

kels: Do you know how much fun that would be?! Besides becoming filthy rich - we could play in dirt and oil all day! It'd be like mud football every day. I feel like this plot is a lot like an Olsen twins movie...

me: hahaha "the Olsen twins' fashion and movie empire fortune is siphoned away by bob saget's mafia ties and they resort to hard labor....oh and hook up with a couple hot driller guys."

kels: What is the name of this movie and where can I buy it.

me: well we have to make it first.....minor detail.

kels: I have a tendency to jump the gun. I CALL I'M ASHLEY!!!

me: how the hamn do you even know the difference between them? p.s. i get the driller with the aussie accent

kels: Hamnit. Good call. Touche. I guess that leaves me with the native Alaskan. Hamnit. Hamnit all.

me: no, that just means your igloo will be better than mine. My boyfriend is going to freeze to death trying to save my life and then i'll get rescued by the life boat and become a lonely old woman telling stories about boats and blue necklaces. But no nudist paintings, i draw the line. This plotline is starting to sound familiar.

kels: Prude. And then you'll get a dog and name him Charlie. He'll die but he'll come back to earth and save the day and rescue an adorable little girl. Are you kidding? Our plotlines are completely original.

me: you're right, totes original. we better invite 11 of the hottest actors we can think of and they can pull off some elaborate heist at a casino...just to make sure our plotline is 100% unique.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

He is Risen

in case you've spent any part of your Easter season feeling alone, or sad, or worn down, or maybe like life kicked you in the face a bit ... i recommend the following.

try one, or two, or preferably all.

happy easter.

Friday, April 22, 2011

i'm not bitter, i promise

the truth is, i really love wedding receptions. (remember how i've been a bridesmaid an unsually high # of times??)

with my long, impressive resume of wedding-related experience, i can even put up with that oh-so-appealing moment when the DJ calls for all the single ladies in the room to gather up front for the infamous bouquet toss.

i guess i don't mind being paraded if it'll get the job done.
(i.e., make sure any groomsmen i've been eyeing are aware of the available space on my left ring finger.)

so yeah, i don't hate wedding receptions and their shenanigans in the least.
which is why it was so amusing when i spied myself in the following photo from a friend's wedding reception:

yep, that's me in the back. hand on my hip. expression of bemused disdain.
so what came over me?

i like to think it's because i've already achieved alumni status from this particular tradition, because i pulled out all the stops, called upon my frisbee-grabbing skills, and snagged the prize at this bestie's reception last year:

see? that's better.

but, i like to think i'm allowed to honorably withdraw myself from here on out so other girls have their chance.
(but i'll try and keep the "bitter" body language to a minimum, lest i misrepresent myself.)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

confessions of a mid-20s metal mouth

welp, it's official:

i'm a braceface again! as if i didn't have enough trouble convincing people i'm not 15 years old. hrmm.

what's that you say? i already have pretty teeth?
yes, it appears so....

the truth is ... the bottom teeth are playing a crooked little game behind the scenes.
and thos dastardly lower pearls were starting to move my top teeth.
and i will NOT be having a crooked grill. no no no.

so it was either braces now for 8 months (fingers crossed they live up to that optimistic prognosis) or a crooked grill within a few short years.

so yes thank you ... i've accepted this necessary phase in my life. a means to an end, mis amigos.

and you won't see this girl hiding her teeth or offering closed-lipped smiles for photos.
i plan to OWN my latest accessory.
i'll make them braces look goooood.

and a big thanks to Tipton Orthodontics for getting the job done! ...and for offering to find me a husband. Feel like family when i'm with those people, i tell ya....

now i'm off to start blending all my solid foods, because chewing isn't high on my skill list today...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

excuse me, Miss Granger....

...but may i borrow your magical time-turner necklace? turns out habitually double/triple-booking yourself doesn't add up so well in the muggle world.

yes thank you, overnight that please.


the binding broke on my planner this week because i stuffed it too full.
this is morbidly symbolic and i know it.

i'm trying to simplify. i really am. today i wrote one e-mail turning down an opportunity i want, but frankly don't have time for. i have one more of those e-mails to write. i've started it twice and only got as far as clicking "Reply." sometimes i'm a little too ambitious with my day planner ... but oh how i want to put just one more thing on my plate. i'll have a chat with my mental/physical/emotional capacity and get back to you on that one.

Monday, April 18, 2011

lucky(?) tray day

yesterday i made beautiful bow-tie pasta, with basil and oregano and tomatoes. mmmyumyum

this morning i woke up 15min before go-time ... and consequently did not remember to grab the tupperware of beautiful pasta as i careened out the door.

in good news, there's a cafeteria at work.

in less good news...

halfway thru this smorgasboard, i looked down and thought, "what am i eating??"

but, it is what it is.
(note: i find myself employing this saying like 5 times a day lately. i'm not sure how i feel about that, but it's oddly comforting/motivating in its own morose, suck-it-up-and-deal-with-it kind of way.)

...the peaches are really good, in any case. shrug.

Sunday, April 17, 2011


immediately after posting the previous blog entry, i scanned back thru previous entries and realized....

i haven't been neglecting it as much as i thought. sure it hasn't been every day ... but it was close ...

and there weren't as many videos or lame posts as i imagined.

so, i was sick this week. it was a long week. and apparently, it caused me to be delusional and feel phantom blog-guilt.

i was posting, blog! i really was!

we are doing just fine, my blog and i.

now as far as my memory is concerned....shrug.

notable convos & a virtual DTR

( that really how you spell notable? i would've gone for noteable. otherwise it reads as "not"able. which totally affects my sentence.)

in any case. a couple of those however-you-wanna-spell-it- convos occurred recently:

[topic: her grad school interview]
she: i think it went pretty well. they were very nice. i have no idea if i'll get in or not but i gave it my best shot :) plus my outfit was great so i cant complain.
me: um yeah they better take that into consideration! i bet they loved you. and if can be MY therapist.
she: haha thank you!
me: you can even pay me tuition and i will draw u a diploma. with crayons. i charge extra for glitter.
she: how much extra?
me: i can't tell you that. it will just mysteriously be charged to ur account at a very inconvenient time.
she: hahaha are you also secretly my landlord?
me: of course not. btw, i'm going to be wandering europe next month, so if/when anything explodes or catches fire...good luck with that.
[it's funnier if you live in our apartment....or maybe you can give us a pity laugh anyway...]

other note/notable convo:
blog: um katie....? hello?
me: oh...oh hey! how's it going?
blog: i think we need to chat
me: ah ok...what's troubling your pretty little head?
blog: well, it's just that you've been neglecting me lately. we had a really great daily routine there for awhile, all consistent and committed. but then it was like you just dropped me, and i can't help there someone/thing else??
me: umm...there were's not you, it's me....
blog: no really, what's with all the short, once-or-twice-per-week posts? embedding videos doesn't take any thought, btw. And this post right here? what are you even rambling about? people are going to stop reading me if you keep this up. i have options, you know. i deserve better.
me: no no no...i have big plans for you and i!! big plans....lists of things to write about...lists, i tell you! and intentions are what matters most, right?


me:'ll call you?

don't ask, i have no idea.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

up up up and away

ok, the beginning of this video (mostly the music) creeped me out a little.

but then i kept watching, and then, you know...., i was still creeped out. the music really killed it for me.

maybe the creepy-carnie-broken-music-box tune will work for you.
or you can mute it and play your own music ... or wait, use my playlist!
how convenient.
(may i recommend #186, New Slang by the shins? yes, much better.)

(found on yes and yes)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

comic sans? psh

my friend posted something on facebook today that i suspect may change life as i know it.

because everything is funnier in LLAMA FONT.

go crazy, kids!

and of course...
(that song's in your head now, isn't it me? don't thank me -- thank the llamas. and ok yeah, the village people.)

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

in my mother's words

i scribbled the following whatnot down almost 2 years ago, in the middle of my very very angsty transition from college to REAL life. i found it recently, and was going to save it for mother's day, but ... i'm impatient ... and it's my mama's beeday today! she's young. like 29. which would make me like 5, so nevermind. in any case, enjoy!

but first, a photo from after i ran mr. 1/2 marty:

(my face says, "mom, i smell bad...don't hug me...")

and now on to the treasure from Katie's Random Written Archives:

I was finally squeezing in a lunch break during a particularly mind-numbing day at my first "grown-up job" when something caught my eye that unexpectedly brought a lump to my throat.

My mother's handwriting.

It didn't say anything particularly important -- just random notes on a piece of scratch paper I'd been using as a bookmark in a novel I'd borrowed from my parents' book shelf. But for some reason, the sight of my mom's simple, straightforward penmanship with its plump curves and straight-legged g's on this particular afternoon brought back a flood of memories...

Notes that excused my absences and tardy mornings to high school.

Reminder signs on the fridge on Fast Sundays.

Notes on the chalkboard, saying where she'd gone if she left while we were still sleeping.

Letters given to me at summer camp, coming from both my parents but always in my mother's handwriting.

Notes that came in packages to my college apartments, explaining the bags of candy that just happened to show up in a box containing shoes/shirts/etc. that I'd left at home over Christmas or Spring Break.

Notes stuffed into the GIANT box of treasures that arrived on my porch every year that I had to spend my birthday away from home.

Labels on all the boxes storing my pack-rat tendencies, some of which traveled around with me through 4 years and 9 moves.

All of which concluded with her predictable ending -- not a fancy signature -- just simply "Mom," with a little heart drawn on the right side.

All things that I never paid much attention to but clearly now recognize I will never forget. Because, as it turns out, it's my mother's simple handwriting that always makes me feel like I'm home.

I love you, mom(heart)!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Millenial Moses

for some reason, this just really tickled me. Easter season is upon us!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

sweet is the work

that title is possibly my new motto for life. i want to paint it on something and hang it on my wall.

...or have someone artistic paint it for me.

anyway, as promised, my favorite moments of General Conference April 2011:

"those who are greatest in the Lord's kingdom are those who have sought opportunities to serve others."
sis. jean a. stevens

"as Latter-day Saints, ours is the duty to invite millions ... to come and see what our church can add to the good things they already have."
elder walter f. gonzalez

"daddy, all of the children here in the ICU have angels helping them."
elder kent f. richards

"they turned their feelings of sympathy into a decision to act on their covenants."
pres. henry b. eyring

"our faith now becomes part of our posterity's faith later."
elder russell m. nelson

"there is great power and protection for us and our youth in establishing celestial traditions in the home."
richard j maynes

"when we have a vision of what we can become, our desire and power to act increase enormously."
elder dallin h. oaks

"kindness is the essence of greatness."
elder joseph b. wirthlin (via elder m. russell ballard)

"turn down the volume control of the worldly noise in our lives."
pres. dieter f. uchtdorf

"preach the gospel at all times -- and if necessary, use words."
st. francis assisi (via pres. uchtdorf)

"the only way to see the view is to make the climb."
elder paul v. johnson

"as sons and daughters of God, we cannot inherit the full measure of eternal life without being fully invested in caring for each other while we are here on earth."
bishop h. david burton

"as we honor our covenants and keep the commandments, as we strive ever more consistently to do good and to become better, we can walk with confidence that God will guide our steps."
elder david a bednar

"temples are more than stone and mortar. they are filled with faith and fasting. they are built of trials and testimonies. they are sanctified by sacrifice and service."
pres. thomas s. monson

"pure love is an incomparable, potent power for good. righteous love is the foundation of a succesful marriage. it is the primary cause of contented, well-developed children."
elder richard g. scott

"thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down."
shared by elder d. todd christofferson

"money and bank accounts are not the Lord's richest blessings."
elder carl b. pratt

"neither professions nor possessions should define identity or self worth."
elder lynn g. robbins

"the Savior had not forgotten or abandoned him."
elder c. scott grow, about his brother

"God not only lives ... He speaks." 
elder jeffrey r. holland

(go find your own favorite parts: read or watch here.)

Friday, April 8, 2011

i've got my hairspray & radio

the first thing that 91.2% of my long-lost utah friends said to me last weekend was, "your HAIR is so LONG!"

yes ... it appears to be getting that way. (but still, never long enough. i am never pleased. maybe when it reaches my knee-pits and a friend kindly signs me up for an oprah makeover, i'll stop imagining it to be perpetually shorter than i want it to be.)

fact: i love it when my hair is long. love love love it!
other fact: i might not be ladylike enough to handle it.

mostly because whatever i eat seems to end up in my hair. there was that one time i showed up to a church function after (so-i-thought) successfully eating tacos in my car (does anyone else feel like they eat the majority of their meals while driving? i sure do.) anyway i was all proud of myself for not spilling anything on my shirt ... when a friend kindly pointed out, "um, i think you have taco shell in your hair..."


i feel a certain kinship with men with beards. and it's no secret that i'm always looking for a reason to connect w/ bearded men. shrug.

in any case, ima just stick with this advice i found on a lovely little tumblr i follow:
(it probably refers to some trendy-sexy-windblown-teased-up-carefully-unkempt hairstyle, not getting food caught in your hair. or your hair getting caught in the seatbelt. or stuck to a fresh application of lip gloss.
ohhhh well.)

Thursday, April 7, 2011


i am ashamed that i left this out of my first post about my favorite commercials. (a travashamockery on my part, you might say ... which will make more sense after you watch the clip below...)

this particular commercial has played a formative role in my life. yeah, i know it's a beer commercial ... and i don't drink ... but whatevs. enjoy!

if the video won't play, mutter some words under your breath in my behalf and then click on the video and watch it directly from youtube.

no making up words.

Monday, April 4, 2011

geriatric roller

by (popular?) demand, i am officially returned from my conference vaycay and blogging hiatus.

more on conference later.

i, for one, am just glad i made it home given the snow (YES SNOW IN APRIL) and pandemonium of sunroofs appearing in planes and such. i somehow managed to squeak in and out of the friendly skies unscathed and (mostly) undelayed.

but this post isn't about planes. it's about roller skates.

whilst in the utah-land, a couple of my besties and i decided to hit up a roller rink. we thought we were pretty hip, until i noticed all the ominous warning signs:

excuse me? oh but yes ... apparently, individuals over the age of 21 are not encouraged to patronize the roller rink because "risk of accident and/or serious injury increases substantially with age."


another sign strongly encouraged us elderly citizens to pick up some free protective gear.

let me grab my blinking emergency necklace while i'm at it, roller rink. (no offense to any of my older readers...all things in their due time...)

in any case.
enjoy the following pictures, and rest easy in the knowledge that we all left that place with our hips and potentially osteoporitic bones fully intact.

 (note my photo invasion in the background)

(this little girl tried so valiantly not to skate thru our picture. her backbend technique alllllmost worked.)

this outing only further solidified my devotion to this little dream of mine.