book of mormon: week 7

ah, hello sunday!

how i've missed you all week.

ok, so this week's chapters are brimming with goodness

[did i say that last week?]

[...do i say that every week?]

it is really difficult to choose just one thing.

but i've narrowed it down to two...

(1)

Alma 17: 2

this is when Alma is reunited with his buddies, the sons of Mosiah

they were all converted together

and have all since been out preaching the Gospel

and they just happen to run into each other

[and in a world without cell phones, that's saying something eh?]

but i love the pure joy that Alma expresses at seeing them again

i've been thinking a lot this week about friends

and the experiences that have made me closer to people

and often, we've been thru something hard together

and seen each other learn & grow

and there is an inexpressible joy at that kind of relationship

i feel deeply grateful for each of the people in my life that i have that kind of deep, indescribable love for

it makes me feel like shouting from the rooftops!

(2)

speaking of shouting from the rooftops.

Alma 26 is so beautiful

it's a man named Ammon,  bearing testimony & glorying in the Lord

he's just so full of gladness and gratitude that he can't contain himself

this week i have felt like Ammon

i feel like i can see the hand of God so clearly in my life

and i want everyone to feel the same way!

if you're having trouble seeing God in your life...

or need a little joy and & Gospel enthusiasm...

i would recommend reading this chapter.

["courage", via willowtreeshop.com]

and that's all for today...

i'll bite my tongue so this doesn't turn into an essay

your turn...

thoughts on these chapters?

thoughts on anything else...?

[i feel like this is an open call for group therapy.]

[blog therapy?]

[....blogerapy?]

biggie smalls & make-outs

that title makes it sound like i have some kind of sordid story to tell.

well....this is almost as good.

this is my buddy hugo:

isn't he cheerful on his bicycle?

you may call him hugart winston polanco.

[actually, no you can't. because i didn't ask his permission.]

in any case,

next week, it is his birthday.

first, i will share the following conversation, which will endear your heart to mr. polanco.

then, i will share his birthday wish.

ready, go...

[context: discussing his dating life]

he:

i am not a player. i just crush a lot. (biggie.)

me:

sooo you're saying i can call you biggie smalls from now on?

he:

yes. call me biggie smalls. i like that.

[a few minutes later]

me:

i googled this quote for you:

"Excellence is my presence. Never tense, never hesitant." Biggie Smalls

he:

Um, new facebook status! TY

me:

wait, here's another good one:
"I'm a soldier, ready for whatever."

he:

First one is better!

me:

only if you're not a soldier.

he:

I am *not* Make love, not war!

me:

"make out, not war!" (that's my Mormon version)

he:

Make love *when married* not war! (Mormon version)

me:

this convo needs to go on my blog.

bahaha.

ok now that you like Hugo, here's his birthday wish:

to celebrate his 23rd anniversary of entrance into the world,

he's trying to collect $529 in donations

[that's $23 each from 23 people. see how that makes sense? yes.]

for st vincent de paul

so, if you feel so inclined,
donate here

let's make this kid's wish come true!

[i mean, he could have asked for a pony. this is easy.]

[the real question is, would he name the pony Tu Pac?]



outsourcing my indecision

sometimes i lay awake at night

and i think

like really,

i think

and think and think and think and think

so,

the other night i decided

why not get something useful out of this blog

and start having you make my decisions for me!

so, here's a few that i've decided i'm ok farming out:

what color should i dye my hair?

here's what we've got now...
long. hidden feathers [still want those]. faded brown blah-ness. a tad fuzzy & unruly, most days.

(bonus pic of the niece, aka little cootiebug)

next,

if you were me,

what would you get a master's degree in?

options:

family & human development

writing/English

guidance/school counseling

(keep in mind this is all hypothetical. how motivated am i to take the GRE and/or go into debt for another degree? answer: not highly motivated at the moment. i mostly just want to write a book. but, school is always an option. someday.)

also,

what career should i ultimately end up in?

ummm and
should i get an iphone?
or
a gym membership?
or...stop pretending i have money for either of those things...?

and while we're at it,

what kind of cereal should i buy next?

(raisin bran crunch is running low, which means i'll need a replacement soon...)

ready, set, advise!

ah, i feel less stressed already...

this is fun.

textersations, round 3

it's that time again
i know you've been dying in anticipation
and i'm a kind soul, so i couldn't leave you waiting
(and/or my inbox was getting wayyy too full of saved texts & needs to be cleaned out)

so with no further ado,
the best of my phone's inbox from the past month or two:

kels, may 4

apparently my intense love for marie osmond and her personal life is not a secret anymore.

ksparks, may 6

what the effing crap, that angel guy just felt me up.

(for explanation, feast your eyes on this beauty)

monica-sister, may 7

i should become frank abignale. minus the jailtime and inappropriately aged girlfriends. actually....minus any girlfirends.

mandysister, may 24

i don't know if his comedy is clean all the time but i am watching this guy named demetri martin. if i knew him personally this is the guy i would set you up with. he has katie-husband written all over him.

matthisious, may 26

i want to live in your loosely coordinated dream world.

(in response to my latest decor choices, possibly here or here)

j. burgoyne, may 26

one of my most ambitious goals is to have one of my texts show up on your blog. i've been sending myself witty texts for practice. someday i hope to make the cut.

(congrats, jason!)

mandysister, may 28

speaking of handsome men who are too old for us!! bryan adams just had a baby with his girlfriend who is a normal person and barely older than i am!! she had a baby with bryan adams!! and she is a regular person! and they hang out with his mom and fly coach. And name their baby meribell bunny adams.

kels, may 29

forget all those dumb boys. focus all ur efforts on dominating in badminton. always.

kt lew-who-hunter, june 16

in my job, i get to see and hear some strange names. bad names of the week include Aspen (you can't really shorten it to create a cutesie nickname)
(rumor has it she's creating an entire blog to share such names w/ the world. stay tuned.)

daniel fuller, june 16

perk up, kiddo. everyone faces trials in life, awkward doorstep scenes just happens to be yours.

matthisious, june 20

all this talk about masses got me thinking. i hope that i am in the masses upon masses, and not just the regular bottom layer of masses. Because i don't want masses sitting on me.

cody alderson, june 22

may they who have wronged you face eternal wrath.

papanwa, june 30

so i had chinese food for lunch the other day. my fortune said...if a turtle loses its shell is it naked or homeless?

laura-sister, july 1

i forgot to tell you! by bethany's standards (our niece), you're not a grownup because you aren't married. hahaha

aaaand there you have it.
i anticipate big things in august, kids!
ok no pressure...

but seriously.

catch round 1 and round 2 here.

handcuffs & an oil crisis

i, katie elizabeth hawkes, changed my own oil last night

(ok, so i had some help)

(ok, so someone else mostly did it for me)

(but i was really good at handing things to him...)

things i actually did do myself:

purchased the new oil

(this is key, you know)

pointed out that the innards of a car should be color coded so i could tell what was what
(i stand by this assessment)
wiggled a couple inches under the car before feeling claustrophobic and bailing

made a really good attempt at unwrenching some small metal thing

(if you unscrew with a screwdriver, you unwrench with a wrench right? right.)

poured the new oil in

(only spilled a little)

poured the old oil into the empty container
remarked that the old oil looked like that goopy hexxus thing from ferngully
(anyone?)

bought myself a powerade slushie as a reward

(i so deserved that)

but what we really need to focus on is the drama that unfolded in the parking lot while i so adeptly and valiantly fixed my own car

you see, there's this man

and there's this lady

and at alternating times over the last year

i've seen each of them treasure hunting and/or living in my dumpster

this is where it gets juicy:

i now have good reason to believe they are lovers

as i was highly engrossed in and focused on changing the oil in my car

(and/or drinking my slushie and only half paying attention to the oil situation)

i noticed that man and that lady searching for treasures ... together

lovers, i tell you!

and then, as any good drama requires, there was an unexpected conflict

a copper arrived!

pulled right up

questioned them

i have no idea what was said

(i'm not completely nosey)

(ok i so wish i was close enough to hear everything)

and then, handcuffs!

the copper cuffed the man

then the man laid his head on his lady's shoulder

there was weeping

there was some kissing

(really, as the copper just stood there...i'm not sure why he wasn't speeding up the process but maybe whatever spurred the arrest wasn't intense enough for him to stand in the way of a proper farewell. shrug.)

and then the copper put the man in the police car

and away they drove

(via gadgesteria.com)

oh the things i've seen.

(remember that other time i had an intriguing run-in in my parking lot? life is never stale around these parts.)

p.s.
apparently you're supposed to change your oil every few months
you mean ... every few years wasn't cutting it?
oops.

i think God blessed me in my ignorance and let my car keep running
probably a lot longer than it should have...

5 gold stars for the big guy upstairs!

fruit of the gods

it's time to let y'all in on a little secret

that plays a very important role in my life.

you may think i'm exaggerating

but i'm pretty thoroughly convinced

that i know what grows on the trees in heaven.

introducing, the white nectarine

(cue the trumpets!)

(via wikipedia)

you can find them at your local grocery store

just look carefully on the bin labels

or sometimes on the stickers

or examine the spots...they're less orange than regular nectarines

buy when speckled

(like the picture above)

let them hang out on the counter for a couple days

they will turn deep red

eat when slightly squishy

but not too squishy

(the above picture was cut open too soon, if you ask me. you shouldn't have to cut a white nectarine, and it shouldn't look that firm. these are best to eat when they're so juicy you can hardly contain them, in my expert opinion.)

oh, and...

do. not. put. in. the. fridge.

the fridge has a verrrry strange effect on texture

(part of me suspects they put that one up there in the fridge. it looks weird. you may be wondering why i didn't choose a different picture. stop asking questions.)

go.

buy.

partake.

crave.

you'll never eat a regular nectarine again. promise.

but be warned

this is the kind of fruit

to eat over the kitchen sink

or outside

where you can properly let it run down your arms

before jumping in the pool

it's sort of a fountain situation when that juice gets going

a fountain of heavenly joy.

you?

favorite fruit?

(you'll change your mind after you do what this blog tells you to do, though. your strawberries and bananas just can't compete, quite sorry. there's always 2nd place.)

a hunny pot of nostalgia

if you know me well

(or if you've read this blog for awhile)

it's no secret how much i adore our tubby little bear friend

i maybe so totally own a very pretty version of the books

with a blue ribbon and everything

(thanks mandysister!)

and i might read it to myself sometimes at night

and giggle myself to sleep

a.a. milne just gets me, that's all!

(go here for my favorite quotes from said author)

sooo...i should probably watch the new film at some point.

do yourself a favor and at least enjoy the trailer

mostly the part about sneezing. it totally made me laugh.

(plus, this trailer hints at a good soundtrack. yesplease.)
(fact: rumor has it music from that zooey girl i blogged about yesterday is def involved.)

music: zooey & a couple aussies

just three little gems today from katie's world of music...

(it might've been four if i was weak enough to fully succumb to the ultra catchiness of lady gaga's "edge of glory." i'm just not ready to cave yet....so i'll just secretly shimmy to it in my car. try and stop me.)

on to classier things...

oh em golly, can't stop listening to this one:

and this one is utterly delightful:

(so are her red boots, oh my!)

and this one makes me want to go on a california roadtrip 

maybe with a boy

mmmmyesplease:

tramp stamp?

some news...
i'm getting a new roommate in august!
like, the share-a-room kind of roommate
well, still sad this one is leaving me.
but, she's getting hitched so she's forgiven.
(bridesmaid round 11, did i mention? we'll talk more about that later.)
(and who's she kidding? i'm going to visit her & her hubby all the time. you don't get rid of me that easy.)
anyway
the new roomie came to look at the place this weekend
the following are clues that i'm really going to like her:

(a)
she asked if she can sleep with sounds of nature playing

(b)
she said something about getting a puppy, and i admire her adventurous spirit

(c)
she agreed we need beds that fold into the wall

(d)
she told me she has really weird dreams and hopes i don't mind if she shares them with me
(is she kidding? i had one about a heroic, giant flying eel last week.)

(e)
she's a social worker

(f)
i found this picture on her facebook:

pretty much convinced this is going to be a good thing.

now for a word from our sponsor...
i mean, from another old roomie of mine
who put up with me for many, many years in college

me:

my friend told me a latin phrase he learned from his grandma...Illegitimi non carborundon.

translates, Don't let the b****rds grind you down.

grandma wisdom.

kels:

that answers my, "what phrase should i calligraphy, frame, and hang above my mantle" question.

me:

funny, i had the same question for a tramp stamp i've been planning.

kels:

ahaha it'll scare off the predators.

words of wisdom (not my own)

sooo...

let's not hear from me today.

let's hear from others:

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines, and sing out loud in the car with the windows open, and wear pink shoes, and stay up all night laughing, and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and eat ripe tomatoes, and read books so good they make me jump up and down.” Shauna Niequist

(found on little reminders of love)

(found on little reminders of love) 

(found on little reminders of love) 

(found on little reminders of love)

cherish your solitude. take trains by yourself
to places you have never been. sleep out alone
under the stars. learn how to drive a stick shift.
go so far away that you stop being afraid of not
coming back. say no when you don't want to do
something. say yes if your instincts are strong, even
if everyone around you disagrees. decide whether
you want to be liked or admired. decide if fitting in
is more important than finding out what you're doing here.
believe in kissing.
even ensler

(found on wild & wily ways of a brunette bombshell)

and some words written by meg herself, from brunette bombshell.

boy i like her. she writes such pretty things...

you know what i like most about writing?

suddenly everything is art.

and there is scribble everywhere. scrawled on backs of receipts and torn envelopes. on the inside of book covers and discarded note cards.

and much of it is just that: scribble.

but some of it.

well some of it, be it a word or a phrase or a thought that was nearly not mine--fills me. topples me. undoes all i ever claimed to know or be. and it is love. and i am in love. with the world and myself and all that is yet to come. 

harry potter: the end of an era ▲

soooo if i had the motivation, or the time, or the gas money, i would drive to my parents' house and dig up a decade's worth of photos that involve me + lightning bolt on my forehead + movie theatres at midnight...but just take my word for it...the collection is plentiful.

and tonight is the final episode! and yeah, i'm def going to the midnight showing.

what do you take me for?? i still got a little spring in my step, kids.

(ask me when i wake up tomorrow and i might take that statement back.)

here's the trailer, if you've been living in a cave:

stay tuned for photographic documentation of my adventure!

and, in advance...

so what if i maybe cry a little, ok??

oh and why not finish with one more picture of my freakin adorable niece:

katilda

bird's the word

sooo i kind of love this shop i discovered via blogland:

love and photographs

and sometimes i like to play a game

where i browse everything in it and put stuff in my cart

...and then don't actually buy it

(it's fairly priced stuff, but i'm on a budget you know)

it's like window shopping online, right?

but oh, it got me this week

this little beauty is currently fluttering thru the mail system

headed for my doorstep:

it's kind of hard to say no when something screams your name, yeah??

also, a little tidbit from last weekend

when i was sick

and this girl wanted a sleepover

(who can turn that down??)

and she said she didn't care about my sickly germs

and i knew she would take care of me

(she's the motherly type)

and, you know, some late-night, semi-drugged convo ensued:

that's all for today.

writing: memoirs of a (potentially) difficult girlfriend

Note: I came back to read this piece recently, two years after the fact. It made me smile at how some of it is the same, but how much more of it is different. Even if it's not an accurate reflection of Current Me, I love having it here. It's fun to meet up with Old Me now and again.

here's the next piece in my new kick of sharing more of my personal writing on this blog. i'm still working on feeling brave about this whole thing...

so ummmm

enjoy!

(please)

(use your imagination and pretend this picture is remotely fitting for this post and i'm not just making up reasons to use it because i love it so much. yes, good job.)

(2)

to all whom it may concern...

fact: i know nothing about cars

i'll probably break mine, if you don't keep tabs on me

i also drop my phone a lot

that will need replacing, every now and again

i get really, really impatient with myself

but i'll get upset if you aren't patient with me

and ok i admit it,

i'm pretty sensitive

you might like to tease, but sometimes it might make me cry

sometimes i am grumpy

sometimes i stamp my feet when i'm upset

but keep in mind,

i forgive really quickly

because truthfully, i'm no good at fighting

i have a hard time making up my mind

i am not very independent

being a grown-up is really, really hard for me

and i might complain about it a lot

i might whine

and be negative

but really

it's because i'm scared

and sometimes i feel like a failure

and i just need you to tell me i'm not

sometimes i need you to let me vent

and not belittle me

never belittle me

don't critique me or criticize me

or tell me to suck it up

just teach me 

show me how to be better

yes, help me better

but tell me it's ok when i'm not good at everything

i dream big

bigger than i can keep up with

and you might be a realist

in fact, you'll probably need to be

but don't you crush my dreams

it's ok if you keep your feet on the ground

if mine can keep leaping

your two feet will be enough for the both of us, won't it?

i cry a lot

yes, i'm one of those weepy girls

but

i also laugh easily

really easily

and really loudly, sometimes

and just to be clear

i'm a bit cluttered

messy?

call it what you will

i don't like it any better than the next person

but

it is what it is.

also,

i pride myself on my honesty

i will always answer your questions fully & completely

i will lay it all out there, no holds barred

which may be a fault

when i sometimes feel so many things at once

causing even honesty to get a bit confusing

but at least

it is honest

and it is consistent

i might not be any good at paying the bills

but i'd be really good at holding you

and i might not have the answers

but i have kisses

and i can hold your face in my hands

and you can get lost in my hair

and the smell of the skin on my neck

and i can listen until 3am

even if i get a little sleepy

and fall asleep on your chest

i'm still there for you.

i (definitely) won't remember to call the power company

or (ever) return the library books on time

but i will remember your birthday

and your favorite tv shows and sports teams

and that book you always wanted to read

and your important days at work

and i will celebrate you

every day, i will celebrate you

with jumping hugs and compliments and your favorite dinners

i will celebrate every part of you

and i will write you love notes

and leave them everywhere

no really, everywhere

but you must always hold my hand in public

and you must make me feel important

and smart

and pretty

and capable

and,
spend. time. with. me.
come over after work or between classes
take me on your boring errands with you
let me sit by you while you get stuff done
i'll read my own book
and not be distracting, i promise...
just want to be with me as much as possible
and make sure i know it
or i might feel neglected

i'm not perfect
and i can't be everything

and i'm kind of really girly when it comes down to it

and maybe a little too needy and sensitive

but when i take

i will give

oh, i will give

yes i can't be everything

but i can make you my everything

and if i know that's all you need

then we can be happy, you and i

yes

we can be deliciously happy

sweet sweet music, alyssa milano & the haboob

forewarning: there's no coherent theme to this post.
but, let's accept it for what it is....

a. 
a textersation with my sister, as i lay on the couch bonding with my germs on friday afternoon and watching this cinematic masterpiece i found on hulu:

(image via imdb.com)

(confession: it was a fairly decent movie. better than your average run-of-the-mill, made-for-tv cheesiness i expected and, may i point out, a genre i wholeheartedly embrace when i am a sick child.)

me:

i'm watching some lifetime-esque movie about a girl...alyssa milano...who reminds me of myself. it's about her having 2 boyfriends. Bahaha

she:

hahaha

me:

she braids her hair like heidi. i must do this.

she:

Yes you must. And i saw this girl today with hair you must do. My bangs would make it strange on me.

me:

describe. or send a picture.

she:

she had it kind of braided across the front into a low side ponytail. it was all very loose and beachy.

me:

i almost said "exactly how i want to be"...but then there's that "loose" part.

she:

ahaha. let's change it to....low-key and beachy.

me:

better. now i am alyssa milano.

she:

well...there's a good chance alyssa milano is more the first description. haha

me:

she's also Charmed.

she:

Riiiight.

b. 
some songs that have been tugging at my little heart strings this past week...

(if you're only going to listen to one, hit up the first one. it's the most gorgeous thing i've heard in awhile, and courtesy of this girl)






(i totes went to rocky's concert last thursday and it was totes magical, sick germs notwithstanding. if you ever have the chance to see him live, get on that. also look up his other stuff. three thumbs up.)


(i covered this one at an open mic night party this weekend. it was the last thing my vocal cords did semi-successfully before quitting on me entirely. the raspy singing style is sexy, right? ...right?)
(p.s. maybe when i am better i will record my cover and share that. only time will tell. whatever that means...)

c.
the following video is the reason my poor car...and porch...and everything in phoenix....is currently coated in a layer of dirt.



hi, can you say doomsday??
yeah, i was def in that storm.
well, technically i was in a verrrry muggy gym playing volleyball...but still!
my only issues are 1) this video desperately needs some dramatic music, 2) who in their right mind names a storm a haboob?? and 3) where the hezz is jake gyllenhaal when i need him?! isn't he a free bonus with apocalyptic conditions? should be...

some people bake on christmas

i, for one, like to bake on the 4th of july

why?

oh i don't know. shrug.

my old roommate abby once insisted that we make apple pie on the 4th.

she lives in the netherlands now.

(i hope she still got some pie. dutch pie or whatever they've got over there.)

the point is, this whole overly-ambitious-baking thing is becoming somewhat of a tradition for me on this favorite holiday of mine.

last year's creation:

(recipe? nah, i totally invented this myself. C is for Champion, kids!)

this year's beauty:

(recipe here. holy hannah, it's labor-intensive...but fun. yes, fun. and delicious.)

guilty pleasure music

"Everyone has their weaknesses. Some people smoke. I collect stuffed penguins. If you won't tell, I won't."

laurell k hamilton

(via babble.com)

we all have a stuffed penguin.

yesterday i was minding my own business at work

when my coworker's pandora shuffled to Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen

my glance slid to the right

then back to my paperwork

then back to the right

my toes started tapping

i started humming

and yes, a shimmy may have been involved at some point.

anyway, got me thinking

about those guilty pleasure tunes

that, knowing anything at all about music,

i shouldn't love

but i so totally do.

here are a few of mine, in no particular order:

Fat Bottomed Girls -- Queen

Teenage Dirtbag -- Wheatus

mostly anything by the Backstreet Boys

mostly any power ballad by Celine Dion or Phil Collins

I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend -- Ashlee Simpson

anything off Britney Spears' first album

ditto for Avril Lavigne

Relient K's christmas album....in July

Puff the Magic Dragon -- Peter, Paul & Mary

Get Together -- The Youngbloods

After All -- Cher & Peter Cetera

What the World Needs Now -- Jackie DeShannon

Angel -- Shaggy

Peace Train -- Cat Stevens

Love Bites -- Def Leppard

I Wanna Know What Love Is -- Foreigner

(i might not consider those last three guilty pleasures because they are actually legit songs, but if you saw the manner in which i belt them when i'm alone in my car....you would probably quickly disagree with me.)

ok ok

yours????

writing: tan lines

you came with fire

eased in between a laugh and a sideways glance

and left your mark

burned me like summer

crooked

a little unexpected and offbeat

prominent

you made me a walking conversation piece

and stayed with me until i hid you

but still you stayed

all thru winter

fading

an inconvenient reminder

often easily overlooked

but in the right moment

you're all i can see

you branded me

and left your imprint

like iron on flesh

in a way that could only be you

in a way that could only be yours

slanted like the way you tilt your head to the left

yelling

nudging

whispering

reminding me, always

that maybe i was wrong

maybe i was

maybe i

maybe

fading like a bruise

but branding like a scar

covered like a mistake

but staying, part of me

always a part of me

yours

and i'm finding, i think

that it'll take another burn

something that cuts deeper

but

you go first

please

you go first

baaaaaaaby

yes.

yes.

yes.

i have a new niece!

....a really little one...

like really, 5lbs little.

cutest little nugget ever.

maybe a little obsessed.

introducing, cynthia marie hawkes

courtesy of androo & bonnie jean hawkes

good work, kiddos.

now i would like to spend 24 hrs a day visiting her.

pleaseandthankyou

oh beautiful for spacious skies!

this is quite possibly

my favorite day

in the entire world.

i want me some fireworks

some family and friends

some food

some warm outdoors

some more food

and some sheer happiness

and definitely, some ray charles

because his version of america the beautiful

always makes me cry

the love started young, my friends.

i look good.

now watch the following clip.
(note: i'm totally not the one who filmed their TV screen. i just found it on youtube. shrug.)
pretty sure your 4th won't be complete without it: