You know in movies where the patient says, "I feel...lonely..." and the therapist is some absentminded loon doodling on a clipboard who responds, "Talk about....lonely..."? Don't worry, I have a better opinion of therapists than that. But in any case, today we're going to "talk about....feelings...."
...hopeful. Little lifelines keep on coming to keep me afloat financially and emotionally, and I'm confident the big guy upstairs and the good people in my life will continue to look out for me.
...curious. I can't stop thinking about outer space lately and how much I want to go there someday. I feel like I need to educate myself more on the matter. I also want to type SPACE in capital letters every time I write it, just like I always want to do with the word SCIENCE.
...nostalgic. To be honest, I haven't had too many homesick moments for Arizona. But every time someone posts on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/everywhere about monsoon season, I wish I was right there in those warm rainstorms. Some of the best memories of my whole life involve August and the smell of warm rain!
...tired. I'm training for the Napa Valley Ragnar Relay next month. I always forget how much consistent running transforms me into a hibernating bear. I want double the sleep and double the food, always. On cue, I'm currently hungry again. SNACKS! (That word follows the same rules as SPACE and SCIENCE.)
...frustrated. I cried three separate times on Sunday night and Monday morning because I just feel like I'm reaching a breaking point with job hunting. I'm working my tail off just to get noticed and make companies realize that I could be a really good thing for them. It can get demoralizing.
...intrigued. Considering some alternative writing career paths that I hadn't thought about before. Still involves writing, but maybe different than the deadline-driven frenzy of content writing that I'm accustomed to. Currently working on scheduling lunch or coffee dates with people who do what I'm interested in doing. Fingers crossed!
...swamped. Job hunting is surprisingly busy. All the job boards to check, the cover letters to write, the writing tests that every interview process wants, even just for small part-time things...I'm investing a lot of hours in all of it. It wouldn't be so different than normal work, except I don't get paid for any of it....so then I still have to squeeze in time for freelance assignments to pay some billz. I'm creatively sapped and mentally overworked, with a dwindling bank account.
...grateful. People here are seriously so nice. I feel like I've been welcomed with open arms and had so many adventures to keep me occupied! If I didn't have that, the job hunt stress could very well do me in.
...growing pains. Sometimes I look back on phases of my life and recognize that I grew a lot, and other times I can feel the growing pains and recognize the growth in very real, current ways. I'm in one of those latter phases. I can see myself turning inside and out and stretching as every tough and amazing week goes by. I'm excited to see what/who I turn out to be.
...happy. Even amid the stress of it all, I am so happy to be on this #bravekatie adventure. I am proud of myself for taking that leap, even if I feel like I left the cliff's edge two months ago and still haven't quite found my footing yet. I just have these little moments where I feel like happiness is coming out of my pores, and the permeating thought in my head is a simple, quiet, "Yes." And that inner voice (the same one that made me get in my car and move here in the first place) alone makes any of the other junk easier to navigate. I've learned to trust that inner voice with my life. It always knows.
And that's all. Thank you for joining me in talking about...feelings...