A Paragraph of Negativity
I could tell this week started out a little off when I woke up on Monday and the idea of writing yet-another-cover-letter made me stay in bed for two extra hours for no reason at all. By Wednesday, I was a mess of gray hoodies and acoustic Dashboard tracks like whoa. Job hunting is the pits. Nay, the armpits. It was hard to take a leap of faith and move to CA only to lose my contract job (aka security blanket) the very day I arrived. It's hard to apply to jobs that I know I'm qualified for (every bullet point on this list, I say!) and hear nada back. It's hard to be told by the umpteenth HR department that "we'll get back to you soon" and two weeks later I'm questioning the integrity and etymology of the word "soon." It's hard to know that I'm a writer (not a designer) and be turned down for writing (not designing) jobs because I don't know photoshop (it's for designing, not writing) very well. It's hard to know that I'm really good (I am! I'm good at this!) at what I do and not be able to figure out why no one else is seeing that right now. It's hard to write a rent check for August and feel kind of sick inside about how September and October are going to pan out. It's hard that I gambled on a potentially glutenous snack yesterday and I've had sharp pains in my stomach for the last 30 hours, because it would be really nice to just eat like a normal person now and again. OK DEEP BREATH END NEGATIVITY VOMIT. I know I'm doing everything I can, and that means the right thing will work out. I really do believe that. But I'm human, and everything lately has been enough to tip me a bit over the edge into the land of wallow. Tomorrow morning I'm getting up and going running. I'll shake this funk off (can that be a new dance craze? shake the funk?) and hopefully be back leading the hopeful chipper parade in a few days. But right now...gray hoodie and acoustic Dashboard tracks like whoa. And something about an episode of Duck Dynasty?
A Paragraph of Positivity
Let's be real. That entire paragraph above? First world problems. I know what I need to do -- I need to read the news and get my tush out into the community and do some service projects and then I know my head will be in the right place again. I need to listen to faith and not fear. I need to be patient, trust my gluten-pained gut and remember why I got in my car and dropped my whole life and moved to a new state in the first place. I need to enjoy the total awesomeness that is northern California (the trees! the cool air! the ocean! the TREES, hooverdamit!). I need to keep loving that the asian boy upstairs sings Imagine Dragons to himself in the shower in a really, truly great monotonous way. I need to remember how many people are praying for me and sending good juju into the universe while I'm on this leap-of-faith, gut-trusting ride. I'm also going to keep appreciating that this angel friend of mine is in town and somehow that makes all kinds of things right in the world:
Because what more does a girl really need than a friend, a plaid shirt, boots and the ocean?