Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The 10 Glories of SkyMall

You guys, I am back in 'merica.

And GOOD GRIEF. I am still forming words about the week I just spent in Iceland. It was like another planet, and I'm all kinds of jet-lagged and all kinds of homesick for that gorgeous island.

Since my very tired brain is running on minimal fuel today, I'm going to hit you with all my photos, stories, and tips for traveling to Iceland (WHICH EVERYONE MUST DO) in a few days when I've sussed it all out and picked my brain up off the floor.

For get to enjoy the manner in which I entertained myself on one of my 3 flights yesterday. At this moment, I found myself suspended in the air somewhere between Boston and my next connection in Phoenix, with the guy next to me taking up half my seat and aggressively clearing his throat every couple minutes MAN WHAT IS IN THERE.

So from the fires of my affliction, I give 10 favorite moments from SkyMall magazine.

(If you're not familiar with this magazine, it's basically a shopping catalog for the most random crap you would never think you possibly needed but will somehow realize you can't live without because you're trapped in the air with nothing else to think about STOP CLEARING YOUR THROAT FOR THE LOVE.)

1. Three Faces of Yourself
If you don't have a trio of best friends in your life, don't worry, because the caption reassures you that it's totally OK to own this necklace just to honor "three faces of yourself." Go ahead, describe your multi-personality to people. You'll go far. "On Wednesdays I'm more of a copper soul..."

2. Squirrel Whisperer
The shirt, the caption, I can' words. (Just whispers.)

3. Ummm...
I'm actually not sure if I meant to take a picture of the pajama jeans or the mounted squirrel head. Which, the latter seems awfully rough after you just admitted to being a squirrel whisperer WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR POWERS

4. Wink Bag
Personally, I think this could do a lot to up my current game. #heytherestranger #lookintomyeye #notmyrealeye #thatone #onmybag #goodletsdatenow

5. Applause Box
Something tells me I'd lose all my real coworker friends if I started using this gem to get that "recognition I crave." ......but don't worry, because it's "Exclusive."

6. Fake Christmas Lights
Something tells me your neighbors won't actually believe you brought your A-game this year.

7. Giantess Statue Lamp
It's *almost* just kinda quirky and semi-normal until you note that it's SIX FEET TALL AND  TERRIFYING. 

8. Travel Vest
This one is on the normal spectrum but I had to include it because I actually fear how attached I would get to wearing it every day of my life because POCKETS.

9. Shoulder Seat
Is this genius or is it embarrassing? Cool dad or not cool dad? HOW MANY CHILDREN CAN WE STACK UP THERE

10. THE Pillow
I include this masterpiece because I have been seeing it in SkyMall magazine for about 10 years and I have yet to see someone using it in real life and bucket list, ya know? It won't be complete for me if he doesn't have a mustache and dat shirt, also.

The end. We're all glad I survived that flight, no?


Kailee said...

HAHAHA I AM DYING. Thank you for sharing your boredom with us all, I laughed out loud at every single one of these. I can't believe these are actually sold! I'm pinning this on my funny board so I can find it and laugh whenever I want :D

Anonymous said...

This stuff screams "Shark Tank".... "I'm Barbara and I could get your product in Sky Mall, to be seen by millions of people a day".

Moonboots said...

So funny. Especially the lamp and the pillow. Thanks for sharing.

Alicia Snow said...

That lamp is needed in my life. It would pull my whole living room together.

Jenna Foote said...

Every time I go on a plane and look at SkyMall, I realize I could really benefit from that pillow. But I'm already on the plane, of course. Cruel irony.

Jael said...

"Secures child's legs better than traditional method." Like, um, using your hands??
Also, you can choose between a box of applause OR a box of laughter. #toughchoices

Unknown said...

I could come to your house and put a lampshade on my head and it would be pretty much the same thing except free.

Katie said...

I laughed out loud during pretty much this entire post. And then I laughed again as Tim was reading it.

Lydia said...

This post is perfect pre-flight reading. As I am waiting to board my flight to Seatle, I thank you for this.

Your Organizing Guru said...

I love lamp! No. Seriously. I really do love that six foot tall body statue lamp.