Wednesday, June 26, 2013

dear boys: goodbye arizona

My darling blog friend (and real life and #wegotocali friend) Elise has this running theme on her blog called Dear Boys, where she writes little snippets and thoughts to the men in her life using code names. I've always thought it was kind of genius, because the ironic part about being a single blogger is that my dating life is often the juiciest thing I have to share and yet a public blog is no place to go around sharing names and faces.

I've had a lot of time to think for the last month as my time in Arizona dwindles. I've kind of been mentally digesting the past 4 years and everything it's meant for me in terms of work, spiritual growth, friendships, maturity, and, of course, matters of the heart.

There are some relationships from the last few years that are over and done and my emotions are all packaged up nicely and tucked away. But then there are some that I never really finished. I bit my tongue and didn't finish them, because dating is the one area in my life where, ironically, I too frequently let my head do the talking and not my heart. I wish I didn't do that.

But in the name of tying up my loose ends and tidying up my heart strings before I hit the road to California...for those feelings I didn't close up just's to a little less biting of the tongue.

Welcome to the first katilda edition of Dear Boys!

dear rainstorm,
Thank you for finally teaching me that I am enough by making me spend way too many years wondering why I never was.
love, spare key

dear scenic route,
Remember when we went to that concert, like a year later, to hear OUR music? Your left arm was barely an inch from my right one, and I feel like every cell in my heart was telling me, "Lean to the right, just a bit. This. This is home." But my head, as always, just argued back and I stubbornly refused to lean until it didn't matter anyway.
love, stick shift

dear summer camp,
That passenger seat conversation in June still puts a lump in my throat. Thank you for the butterflies, for the first time in a really long time. Even if it didn't end up meaning much to you, it meant something really important to me.
love, barnes & noble

dear train stop,
You made me a believer in blind dates. If anything, I'll always have a feeling to compare my heart to, because you were exactly and everything I always wanted to feel. Even if I couldn't tell you, I like to think you somehow knew that. To be honest, I'm still working on our goodbye -- and that part, I'm not sure you care to know.
love, moccasins


Unknown said...

It's kind of healing, right? You write in a way that seriously makes me want to know who these boys are.

Brittany T. said...

awhh! girl, you write so well! and oh the matters of the's sometimes bittersweet, but we learn. we always seem to learn something lol.

Jenna Foote said...

Oh wow, I want to know who they are too!

In any case, I hope you find your heart in California.

Hailey. said...

This is so great! I totally agree, the BEST stories are about the horrible, embarrassing, awkward, etc dates but I feel that I can't write about them. This might be a good way to do it! Also I'm going to check out your friend Elise's blog now too! Thanks!

Elisabeth Gee said...

Pretty sure I love you :) You are the most fabulous writer. I seriously got chills as I was reading this.

Amberly said...

I love this, it's kind of fun! Thanks for introducing me to a new blog to follow! :)