Wednesday, May 29, 2013

A&A: a boy caught me eating an avocado at church

What we need up in here is a little lighthearted happiness and laughter. I figure some A&A is just the ticket, especially since I have two particularly excellent stories in the awkward category this week. Enjoy!

▲ I sent someone an email and didn't proofread it. I later discovered that I'd numbered a list as 1) and then b). So I'm really good at both counting and the alphabet.
▲ There is a city in the bible named Shittim. Dreading the day I get asked to read that chapter out loud at church.
▲ Recently I purchased lingerie for a friend for a bachelorette party. I'm about 13 rounds of bridesmaiding past being embarrassed about shopping for lingerie, but this experience became unique as I stood in line with four men behind me (one of them was a too-close-stander), and the cashier held a lacy little number up, looked at me with raised eyebrows and said, "Did you try this on?"
▲ Sometimes on Sundays, I have to arrive at church early (organ player right here) and I neglect to eat lunch. This particular Sunday, I grabbed an avocado and some tortilla chips on my way out the door for snacking purposes. Fast forward a couple hours: it was time for sunday school, and my tummy was like, "Feed me now or I'll make you cranky and ruin your social life." The sequence of events went as follows:
1. Slip into the kitchen and out the side door to my car to retrieve said avocado.
2. Make sure kitchen-to-hallway door is closed so I can chill alone with my shoes off while I mash up my avocado for eating.
3. Just as the first chip enters my mouth and my hands are covered in green smush (avocados are messy), the kitchen door opens and an attractive (important detail) fella enters the room.
4. I try to play it off and casually introduce myself in all my snack-eating, hiding-in-the-kitchen, barefoot-at-church glory. He reaches to shake my hand. I have to decline and admit that there is avocado all over my fingers.
5. I buy his silence with a tortilla chip.
6. Stories like this are why I'll be able to write a killer MoRo (mormon romance) novel someday.

▲ This article about a guy who took his elderly dog on a final amazing journey via bicycle.
▲ Amidst all my condo packing, I managed to pack all my underwears and take them to my parents' house with the first load. After showering yesterday at my own place, this obviously presented a problem. I then discovered a grocery bag in the back corner of my closet with a dozen brand new underwears waiting for me. You guys, it was a biblical miracle.
▲ Speaking of back corners of my closet, this discovery equaled about 10 levels of awesome.
▲ I've been in a Facebook poke war with a guy since 2006. Guinness here we come!
▲ Snap chat. Snap chat is both hilarious and awesome.
▲ Why you should date someone who travels.
▲ Kmart wins again with this big gas wordplay ad. I want to kiss their marketing team on the mouth. I mean that not in a weird way. If that's possible. No, let's just let it go.
▲ The entire avocado story was actually awesome in its own way.


Alicia Snow said...

these are my favorite and make my whole week. and i'm going to snap chat you right now.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA! It's been too long since I have come here. I have so much to catch up on. Number 1, I laughed so hard at your avocado story. Number 2, I still really want to be your real-life friend at some point in this life, because you seem like such a genuine person, and also HILARIOUS!

Okay onward to catch up... :)

Becca Swindlehurst said...

First, KMart. Geniuses. This new line of ads will save their company.
Second, biblical miracles are the best.
Third,there are a few chapters and verses that I am terrified that I will have to read out loud at some point!
Fourth, I believe that we should be friends.
That's all :)

Elizabeth Downie said...

So, I loved the avocado story, but was disappointed that it wasn't numbered with the 1) B) method. ;)

Amberly said...

I just discovered you through Diedre's blog!!! I LOVE your posts, so hilarious! I can't wait to keep reading!


Abby said...

This is hilarious!! And the avocado story is adorable. Also, that Kmart commercial... Is it bad that I giggled through the entire thing? *blushes*

Hailey. said...

Alright I just found your blog from Love, the Skinny's and I think you're fantastic!! I'm excited to start following you! Hope you have a great weekend! :)


indeazgirl said...

Not a big dog person and I love the dog article.
Also, you probably should have made out in the kitchen.
Except then it would be like a regular romance novel and not a Mormon romance novel.
just kidding.