Wednesday, December 14, 2011

dating: the ladder theory

i've discussed this topic various times in the past week, so i figured it was time to introduce it to blog land.

blog land, meet the ladder theory.
[for the record, it's not a theory i made up...hence the link...i didn't want to take undue credit.]

here's the basic idea:
women have two ladders when it comes to males,
one for friends and one for potential lovers.

a man can move up and down the ladders based on how good of a friend or potential lover he is.
if he's near the top of either ladder, he gets time and attention.

conversely, men have one ladder.

at the top of the ladder is attraction, and at the bottom of the ladder is ...not attraction.

if a lady is near the top of the ladder, she gets more time and attention.


the article draws a few key conclusions:

1. men may receive copious attention and time from a woman, only to discover that they are merely highly ranked on the friend ladder.

2. men do not generally give excessive time/attention to a woman if she is low on the ladder.
therefore, even if she is truly "just a friend" but she is earning time/attention, he is at least remotely attracted to her.

3. it's difficult for men to switch from the friend ladder to the lover ladder in a lady's eyes.

4. if women want to be considered, all they have to do is climb the ladder, i.e. become more attractive, whether physically or personality-wise, etc.

fascinating, eh?

...your thoughts? agree or disagree?


Myke said...

I always want to decry articles and studies like this as sexist, but this theory seems to hold up in my personal experience. While I have plenty of female friends that I talk to regularly, as soon as I come across someone that interests me romantically, I talk to said female friends much less. And I have a hard time understanding the whole two ladders thing for women. (Probably because I'm not a woman.)

Katie said...

sounds reasonable to me!

p.s. the word verification is "hoenes." nuff said.

Elisabeth Gee said...

Have you seen the youtube video men and women can't be just friends?? It talks about the same thing. It's sweet. Love this concept. :)
P.S. if you're going to watch it, make sure it's the Utah State one. NOT the BYU one. :)

Carlie said...

Sounds true. I saw something about this done in a Youtube video on Utah State campus.

shirley elizabeth said...

I personally disagree with numero tres, but maybe that just means I only have (had) one ladder like a guy.

katilda said...

@shirley i think that's entirely possible. i definitely know other girls with one-ladder tendencies. i'm pretty sure i have two, though the older i get the more i try not to, because i want to be kind and not put any boys through what i've seen so many guy friends go through at the top of a lady's friend ladder. i think girls think they're being nice by giving "platonic" time/attention to a guy who's clearly interested, but i think it's just more cruel in the end.

Emma Frances said...

Your theory is 100% correct! I love it! And it's such a good way to explain these things to people so that it actually makes sense! Haha.

Unknown said...

the ladder theory ROCKS MY WORLD.

Unknown said...

Totally makes sense!!!!
Well...except for the fact that I can carry on a full-fledged convo with almost all the guys in my ward and have yet to date/go on a date with any of them...

Chantel said...

HA! Love this, and I totally agree! I hate when men try to jump over to the other ladder and pressure about why they should be on the attraction ladder. Then they just go a notch down on the friendship ladder :)