let's talk about commitment.
(not like the tattooing-your-forehead kind of commitment.)
i've thought a lot over the past couple years about the idea of really committing to relationships. during my undergrad, i was an overanalyzer. i'd try so hard to see the end of a relationship from the beginning, and if i didn't think i could marry someone after a few dates or a couple months, i bailed. why prolong it, i said? why bother hurting anyone if i'm not 100% confident about my feelings?
then i did some thinking. and i thought, what do i have to lose by devoting more of myself and more of my time to legitimately seeing what happens? not on casual dates, not by randomly bumping into each other on campus or at church activities, but by actually being in a legit relationship.
so i tried to be different. i started being brave. i started speaking my mind like nobody's business. i started dating with a new mindset: the "why the heck not" mindset. instead of fretting on date one about whether or not i thought i could be with someone long-term, i started telling myself i didn't need to know those things right away ... and if i saw potential, i should go all in.
truthfully, you can hem and haw for months about dating someone (been there) and never figure out what you really want or need just by pondering alone.
or, you can decide to call someone your boyfriend/girlfriend and give it all your attention and devotion, and you'll figure out what you need to know much sooner than you would've by keeping one foot on the shore.
it might not all end in happiness and roses, but at least then you know. your heart might get broken, but at least you took a chance on giving it to someone. there's just so much to be said for taking risks without knowing it all.
i think the very nature of commitment can do a lot for a relationship. if you've said you're going to make it work, you'll try harder to do so when the little bumps happen. (why do you think arranged marriages work out so well? because they make them work. because they're not accustomed to excuses or easy ways out.)
i've discovered i can learn so much more about a guy by calling him my boyfriend and spending those we're-exclusively-dating moments of our lives together (e.g. eating dinner together every night, flopping on each other's couches and reading or doing hmwk together, texting all day, etc.) rather than trying to decipher how a relationship would be by going on a rigidly formal date for 2 hrs every friday night.
so here's to commitment. here's to relationships.
because it turns out that letting go of the shore teaches me all the things i always wanted to figure out without jumping all the way in.
(from visual photos)
and i'd say, i haven't lost anything by jumping.
but i think i've gained a lot.