Friday, December 21, 2012

why i have high expectations for love (and so should you)


I recently had a chat with a girl who spoke to my soul. 

She is an OBGYN, and said when she was in med school a lot of guys were intimidated by her. She said, "They always wanted me to be less than I was." And then she met her husband and said, "He made me feel like i could fly."

YES.

Guys and girls alike, we should be everything we have the capability of being. We should cut ourselves loose and sail away and stretch as far as we can. Dream big, aim high, talk big talks and plan big plans and don't be afraid of them.

I know there is something to be said for seeing potential in other people and being patient as people figure themselves out without being unfairly demanding. I get that, I do.

BUT...

We also have every right to expect that, when we are trying our hardest, we deserve to be with someone else who is also trying as hard as we are. I'm not talking about perfection. Obviously, no one is perfect. But we can and should allow ourselves to aim high, live life to the fullest and be ambitious without worrying if it'll intimidate anyone or narrow the playing field. I feel like no one says that to each other enough.

Dear you, I'm saying it to you.

Why would you want to be with someone who only fits you best when you're playing small?  I want someone who finds me when my wings are spread as far as they can be and still fits me perfectly just the same because he's reaching just as far. We ALL deserve that!

My advice: Find what makes YOU happy before you try and pair that with anyone else. (More thoughts on that here.)

Because here's the honest truth: I'd rather be my best self and single than tone myself down to make love happen. And it took me awhile to figure that out but i mean every word.


p.s. read my initial inspiration for this post here.

16 comments:

Tyson J Oliver said...

"...there must be the proper approach toward marriage, which contemplates the selection of a spouse who reaches as nearly as possible the PINNACLE OF PERFECTION in all the matters which are of importance to the individuals."
-Spencer W. Kimball

katilda said...

Thanks for that. I feel like quotes like this get overlooked in the face of "make it work with anyone good enough" quotes. I think both viewpoints have their time and place, but I love this one for me right now.

Abigail said...

Thanks for the post, Katie!

Chantel said...

YEEEESS! Thank you so much. This post really spoke to me.

Camille said...

Love this post Katie! You know I'm all about this! As a happily married woman on my 2nd marriage my advice to all is "Be picky. Be SO picky." I'm so glad I didn't settle for others that were cool, but none of them are Jacob- and I'd wait lifetimes for him literally! Getting married at 28 may scare some, I'm glad I wasn't willing to settle the 2nd time!

Kerry said...

LOVE IT. So truthful. I'll be both muse and maker, you spread your wings, and a happily ever after will chase both of us down!

Elisabeth @ Imma Walking Fashion Crime said...

Katilda!! (I can't call you katie. It just isn't happening for me) Anyway...you are so wise! I love this post and I totally needed to hear that today! :)

ayley said...

oh, hi sweet person. i really like this. and your blog.

Elise Frederickson said...

I love this. I needed this. I totally believe this.

Tyson J Oliver said...

This is from the same talk where he says that "it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price".
Which, as you said, is equally important to remember. But you never hear that other quote for some reason.

Carly P said...

Before I was married I would have agreed with you completely. But now I realize that what we should all look for in love is someone who sees us as more than we are, someone who has empowering faith in who we can become. There is nothing more satisfying, more encouraging, more inspiring than having a loving voice next to you each day telling you how proud they are of you and telling you all the good you are capable of. This is especially important when you don't feel that way about your own self.
The best way to find that kind of love is to show that kind of love. It starts with our own selves. It will come back to us in spades.

Carly P said...

I love it, Camille. Thanks for sharing. And I'd agree (I got married at 28, too). I'd wait another 28, or 38, or 48, or 280 years for what I have now. Amen sista!

Sierra said...

Thank you for writing this. I needed to read it right now.
Merry Christmas!
xoxo,
Sierra
Oh, Just Living the Dream

cute is good said...

you have made an amazing point. i think that any person we, as women, date should be a person who is humble and able to support you. i think that humility is so important for both people in the relationship. humility is not about demeaning ourselves nor about toning ourselves down but it allows for the celebration of others at the right times and the celebration of ourselves at the right times. it's a balance. anyway, keep up the amazing posts.

Melanie Lea said...

Katilda. Katilda Katilda Katilda.

I feel like you must have been a fly on the wall during some recent conversations I've had! I am a REALLY intense person and I have huge dreams and plans and a personality to match. It sometimes feels like a burden and a lot of the time it can be overwhelming for others. And as a matter of fact, it's caused quite a bit of disappointment when just trying to form friendships in this new(ish) town I'm in.

But at the end of the day I'm ultimately super proud of the person I am and how much effort and enthusiasm I put into the people I love. Even if that means my efforts get stonewalled sometimes (which has sadly been the case lately). I like myself too much to compromise these things and I know eventually I'll find a match for that and it will be more beautiful and happy than I could ever dream of.

I love finding people who get this! I'm leaving you now with a line from a Lana Del Rey song, because she's weird too and could probably hang with a bunch of awesomes like us : )

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's OK to shine?"

heart, Melanie from My Billie

Crystalee said...

I felt the same way before I found my husband, and I'm grateful he really does let me fly. Literally:

http://ourbecktreks.blogspot.com/2012/02/to-my-husband-who-lets-me-fly.html