Saturday, January 8, 2011

let my people go.

[tunes: #13, "rainy monday" by shiny toy guns.]

remember Moses? remember that time pharaoh wouldn't let him leave egypt and all hades broke loose?


one time i moved to south scottsdale/north tempe/what-have-you. (don't start getting all ooh-la-la-in-a-british-accent at the mention of scottsdale. truthfully, i live by a freeway and a strip club. two, actually.)

but i'm not complaining ... for the most part, i feel safe here. my rent is great. my apartment is really nice inside. there's a park next door (i just don't go there alone at night. but during the day it's quite lovely.)

we moved in on june 1. a lot of strange things proceeded to happen. the other night, my roomie meggles & i were recounting to our friend j. porter all the adventures we've had. i jokingly equated it to the seven plagues.

but then we counted. and there was only six.

... until we got home that night.

so just for kicks, here's all seven. since i know the Bible speaketh the truth, i'm hoping my life runs a parallel w/ dear old egypt and doesn't go poking around for number 8.

1. ye olde plague of the hissing cockroach

2. ye yonder curse of the trespassing lady-of-the-night

3. ye doorknob that comes off in ye hand

4. ye sparking/malfunctioning/flame-throwing light fixture

5. ye hissing/demonic/disjointed/growling feline from ye infernal belly of hell (and this comes from someone who likes cats. trust me - this thing was rabid.)

6. ye great epic flood of October 2010

and, most recently ...

7. ye blackened mold in yonder downstairs corner (resulting in a plastic tent that reminded me of when they tried to trap E.T. in Elliot's house.)


dear whatever/whoever is contriving against my poor little condo,

i'll be on my bicycle to the moon. suckas.

yeah i don't know why i thought olde english was appropriate for a post about ancient egypt. just run with it.

does the E.T. reference mean one of us roomies gets to grow up to be drew barrymore? i pick myself if it means i get to shnog michael vartan on a pitcher's mound when i'm 25.

1 comment:

The Ballard Family said...

Ahahaha I loved this. I had no idea your condo life had been so eventful! Hissing cockroach???
That should never ever happen.
I need to send Scout over there. He will take care of so many of those problems. Haha, in the meantime, I will be praying for your survival!