suddenly, everyone started texting me more.
and everyone got a little bit funnier.
and i quickly realized i couldn't wait another year to post some highlights or it would get out of control.
so here it is ... round 2
(feel free to inundate my inbox in an attempt to make round 3...)
Caraline, March 10
"Take him to a spring training game. I fall in love with you every time we go."
Matthisious, March 12
"Finally the banana gets the rep it deserves."
Randy Day, March 15
"If you were a hippie and smoked then i totally just saw you at QT."
Katie Lee, March 16
"The end of the school day is always a very scary time for me. You can hear the stampede. A boy screaming like an indian almost ran me over today."
Androo, March 18
"You know how shady people can be that volunteer at crap."
Katie Lee, March 23
"Just saw a tobacco outlet... What does that mean? Last season's tobacco nobody wants?"
Rachel Blakey, March 28
[discussing if a BBQ is a good place to find dates]
"If my future man is a cheeseburger then he sure will be there!"
Matthisious, April 5
[a couple days after i told him about a company-wide email in which a staff member asked if anyone had seen a shipment of "widows" get delivered ... he meant windows.]
"So i stayed home today waiting on my delivery of women whose husbands have passed, but it never came. I wonder if it got sent to the office?"
Daniel Fuller, April 6
"I hate boys."
Anonymous, April 8
[only because i promised this individual i wouldn't name him/her.]
"Sometimes cleaning is easier if you take your pants off. I'm just saying."
Larsy, April 15
[after i told her to try pronouncing something difficult repeatedly.]
"i accidentally said Beiber."
Baby Sister, April 15
"i sound like the dumb bear from Narnia."
Anonymous 2, April 17
[identity undisclosed in the off-chance her employer ever sees this.]
"i feel like a sell-out, but to keep my job, i gotta saddle up and buttkiss. this is grown-up world."
Kels, April 19
[after i griped at her when my teeth hurt and then immediately apologized.]
"I've been there. I completely forgive you. Just don't do what i did when i got braces anger...bit off someone's hand."
James Nickerson, April 20
"You should know that in a cameo dream appearance, you had two artificial legs."
Androo, April 21
[after telling him to get on LinkedIn already because i made Chantal join and she got contacted for a job almost immediately.]
"And look at her, kidney-robbed in saint pedro, mexi-town."
K Sparks, April 23
"Two quotes from a very odd man outside hungry howie's: "i'm half amish" and "i'm tired of you saying i'm fat because i don't subscribe to your healthy regimen."
Kels, April 25
[she's not married, and there's no explainable context.]
"I should write my husband a letter."
Bonnie Jean, April 25
"I don't joke about Hanson."
Mandiola, April 27
"Why would a chip flavor be called harvest cheddar? I would like to see that field."
Tyson J. Oliver, April 29
[after i complimented his use of the word "romantic" in his description of his attempts to woo a girl.]
"it seems more mature than 'i tried desperately to convince her i was more than just a good kisser.'"
Tyson J. Oliver, April 30
"That's why I like me too."
Kels, May 1
[i told her my tummy hurt and she tried to blame it on gluten.]
"that's the gelatin."
(2 seconds later)
"ahahah that's not the right word is it...."
Daniel Fuller, May 2
[it made sense at the time...]
"Company policy only gives me time off to play putt-putt inside my office ... pants or no pants."
and the grand finale, this picture of my nephew that arrived in my inbox one day:
until next time, happy texting!
honorable mention to miss mariah winslow, who i know sent me a rather funny text about her workplace and the effects of certain medications on her clients ... which text is somehow nowhere to be found in my phone. i blame technology.