Wednesday, May 4, 2011

textersations, round 2

so this amazing phenomenon occurred after this certain blog post.

suddenly, everyone started texting me more.
and everyone got a little bit funnier.

and i quickly realized i couldn't wait another year to post some highlights or it would get out of control.

so here it is ... round 2
(feel free to inundate my inbox in an attempt to make round 3...)

Caraline, March 10
[dating advice]
"Take him to a spring training game. I fall in love with you every time we go."

Matthisious, March 12
"Finally the banana gets the rep it deserves."

Randy Day, March 15
"If you were a hippie and smoked then i totally just saw you at QT."

Katie Lee, March 16
"The end of the school day is always a very scary time for me. You can hear the stampede. A boy screaming like an indian almost ran me over today."

Androo, March 18
"You know how shady people can be that volunteer at crap."

Katie Lee, March 23
"Just saw a tobacco outlet... What does that mean? Last season's tobacco nobody wants?"

Rachel Blakey, March 28
[discussing if a BBQ is a good place to find dates]
"If my future man is a cheeseburger then he sure will be there!"

Matthisious, April 5
[a couple days after i told him about a company-wide email in which a staff member asked if anyone had seen a shipment of "widows" get delivered ... he meant windows.]
"So i stayed home today waiting on my delivery of women whose husbands have passed, but it never came. I wonder if it got sent to the office?"

Daniel Fuller, April 6
"I hate boys."

Anonymous, April 8
[only because i promised this individual i wouldn't name him/her.]
"Sometimes cleaning is easier if you take your pants off. I'm just saying."

Larsy, April 15
[after i told her to try pronouncing something difficult repeatedly.]
"i accidentally said Beiber."

Baby Sister, April 15
[same context]
"i sound like the dumb bear from Narnia."

Anonymous 2, April 17
[identity undisclosed in the off-chance her employer ever sees this.]
"i feel like a sell-out, but to keep  my job, i gotta saddle up and buttkiss. this is grown-up world."

Kels, April 19
[after i griped at her when my teeth hurt and then immediately apologized.]
"I've been there. I completely forgive you. Just don't do what i did when i got braces anger...bit off someone's hand."

James Nickerson, April 20
"You should know that in a cameo dream appearance, you had two artificial legs."

Androo, April 21
[after telling him to get on LinkedIn already because i made Chantal join and she got contacted for a job almost immediately.]
"And look at her, kidney-robbed in saint pedro, mexi-town."

K Sparks, April 23
"Two quotes from a very odd man outside hungry howie's: "i'm half amish" and "i'm tired of you saying i'm fat because i don't subscribe to your healthy regimen."

Kels, April 25
[she's not married, and there's no explainable context.]
"I should write my husband a letter."

Bonnie Jean, April 25
"I don't joke about Hanson."

Mandiola, April 27
"Why would a chip flavor be called harvest cheddar? I would like to see that field."

Tyson J. Oliver, April 29
[after i complimented his use of the word "romantic" in his description of his attempts to woo a girl.]
"it seems more mature than 'i tried desperately to convince her i was more than just a good kisser.'"

Tyson J. Oliver, April 30
"That's why I like me too."

Kels, May 1
[i told her my tummy hurt and she tried to blame it on gluten.]
"that's the gelatin."
(2 seconds later)
"ahahah that's not the right word is it...."

Daniel Fuller, May 2
[it made sense at the time...]
"Company policy only gives me time off to play putt-putt inside my office ... pants or no pants."

and the grand finale, this picture of my nephew that arrived in my inbox one day:

until next time, happy texting!

honorable mention to miss mariah winslow, who i know sent me a rather funny text about her workplace and the effects of certain medications on her clients ... which text is somehow nowhere to be found in my phone. i blame technology.


Chantal said...

haha valid Andrew, valid... although perhaps unrelated? LOL

Daniel said...

You made your other friend's comment about work anonymous, but not mine? Oh well, I'm not worried.

James said...

I am truly honored.

The Ballard Family said...

Hahaha these are my favorite posts you do. You have a wide variety of intellect, humor, and apparently desire to remain fully clothed among your friends and family.
And that picture of Ben still kills me. Makes me think of ET. SO on his wedding video someday.